the restless will

Father, I know that all my life
Is portioned out for me,
And the changes that are sure to come
I do not fear to see;
I ask Thee for a present mind,
Intent on pleasing Thee.

I would not have the restless will
That hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do
Or secret thing to know;
I would be treated as a child
And guided where I go.

Wherever in the world I am,
In whatsoever estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts
To keep and cultivate.
And a work of lowly love to do
For the Lord on whom I wait.

So I ask Thee for the daily strenth,
To none that ask denied,
And a mind to blend with outward life
While keeping at Thy side;
Content to fill a little space,
If Thou be glorified

And if some things I do not ask,
In my cup of blessing be,
I would have my spirit filled the more
With grateful love to Thee -
More careful - not to serve Thee much,
But to please Thee perfectly.

There are briers besetting every path,
That call for patient care;
There is a cross in every lot,
And an earnest need for prayer,
But a lowly heart that leans on Thee
Is happy anywhere.

In a service which Thy will appoints,
There are no bonds for me;
For my inmost heart is taught "the truth"
That makes Thy children "free;"
And a life of self-renouncing love,
Is a life of liberty.

- Anna L. Waring, 1850

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day 19 - a passage from a book that has touched me

Throughout the years, there are many passages that's touched me, and a few of those that stayed on were posted here. Here's one I haven't shared, from Christy by Catherine Marshall. It's one of my favorite books, and this passage was when Christy was going through a rough season and was hungering for answers from God:

"And slowly, almost imperceptibly, out of the stillness during that second week my answer started coming - only not in any way I had expected. No effort was made to answer my 'why?'. Instead, I began to know, incredibly, unmistakably, beyond reason and beyond doubting that I, Christy Huddleston, was loved - tenderly, totally. Love filled me, washed over me, flowed around me. I did not know what to do with love as strong as this. Back off from its intensity? Embrace it? 
My tears flowed. I could not stop them.
Then the thought came: wasn't this the confirmation for which I had asked? This love disclosing itself was no cosmic Creator of a mechanistic universe, for the revelation was intimate, personal. Perhaps the assurance always has to be personal, revealed to the inner person alone, since only man sees other men en masse, whereas God insists on seeing us one by one, each a special case, each inestimably beloved for himself.
The world around me was still full of riddles for which my little mind had not been given answers; David had been right about that. Nor could I know what the future held. But the fundamental doubt was for me silenced. I knew now: God is. I had found my centre, my point of reference. Everything else I needed to know would follow.
That morning the sun came up in a blaze of glory."

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day 15 - a moment, song or phrase that changed your life the most

I’m going to write about a phrase. It’s not a philosophical, alliterative phrase that makes the world stop and marvel the depth of each word. In fact, it’s a simple command that can easily be overlooked.

“Help old lady cross road.”

That’s it, grammatical error intended. Where’d that phrase come from? Who else but my dad. Like most parents, my dad has several custom-made proverbs, and this is one of them.

He alludes to all those moral lessons we learned in school. I’m sure you remember the picture or question that describes a fragile decrepit old man or woman standing by the roadside, trying desperately to cross but failing because Malaysians must maintain the status quo of the invisibility of pedestrians. The question usually ends with, “What must you do?”

     A. Cross the road alone. You're in a hurry.
     B. Ignore and walk on along the sidewalk. You're in a hurry.
     C. Continue eating. Your char kuey teow is getting cold.
     D. Smile at the uncle/aunty to let them know you’re not gonna rob them, hold by the hand, and help     him/her cross the Red Sea.

You get the gist.

My dad took to that illustration as a perfect example for all things moral. Whenever I go out with friends or visit someone, he punctuates his goodbye with, “Help old lady cross road ah”.

Hear it often enough and it’ll be on auto-replay. But it’s effective, you know. This one phrase helped define my social behavior and responsibility throughout my growing up years.

Yet there came a point when I became my own person, with my own opinions and convictions. The proverb turned stale and the admonition childish. Recently, though, for whatever reason, the phrase has been on auto-replay again. But this time, my “grown-up” understanding realizes that it’s far from being juvenile. There are still things to learn from this illustration:

  1.  Doing the right thing should be a lifestyle, regardless of time and place.
  2.  Don’t be so self-absorbed. Be aware of your surroundings and the people around you.
  3. The simplicity of the phrase conveys the tone that doing the right thing should be common sense. There’s no excuse for, “I didn’t know/wasn’t sure/was afraid.”
  4. When you do the right thing, you get in the way of people, and they won’t always be pleased. But in the end they’ll stop and respect your integrity.
And so this old phrase shall remain as a timeless proverbial entity in my life.

Well, that and char kuey teow. 

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like breathing

Pray without ceasing... (1 Thessalonians 5:17)
Our thinking about prayer, whether right or wrong, is based on our own mental conception of it. The correct concept is to think of prayer as the breath in our lungs and the blood from our hearts. Our blood flows and our breathing continues “without ceasing”; we are not even conscious of it, but it never stops. And we are not always conscious of Jesus keeping us in perfect oneness with God, but if we are obeying Him, He always is. Prayer is not an exercise, it is the life of the saint. Beware of anything that stops the offering up of prayer. “Pray without ceasing . . .”— maintain the childlike habit of offering up prayer in your heart to God all the time.
Jesus never mentioned unanswered prayer. He had the unlimited certainty of knowing that prayer is always answered. Do we have through the Spirit of God that inexpressible certainty that Jesus had about prayer, or do we think of the times when it seemed that God did not answer our prayer? Jesus said, “. . . everyone who asks receives . . .” (Matthew 7:8). Yet we say, “But . . . , but . . . .” God answers prayer in the best way— not just sometimes, but every time. However, the evidence of the answer in the area we want it may not always immediately follow. Do we expect God to answer prayer?
The danger we have is that we want to water down what Jesus said to make it mean something that aligns with our common sense. But if it were only common sense, what He said would not even be worthwhile. The things Jesus taught about prayer are supernatural truths He reveals to us.
I love what My Utmost for His Highest has for May 26. :)

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surprised by joy

It was as if a veil that had hung before her inner consciousness had been lifted,
giving to her view a revelation of unsuspected feelings and realities. Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one's life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight
riding down; perhaps it crept to one's side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps. . .
perhaps. . . love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship,
as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.

...But the Anne who walked up the dark lane was not quite
the same Anne who had driven gaily down it the evening before.
The page of girlhood had been turned, as if by an unseen finger,
and the page of womanhood was before her with all
its charm and mystery, its pain and gladness.

Of Anne and Gilbert, Anne of Avonlea
My other favorite story =)

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for your eyes only


And such is your definition of matrimony and dancing. Taken in that light certainly, their resemblance is not striking; but I think I could place them in such a view. -- You will allow, 
that in both, man has the advantage of choice, woman only the power of refusal; that in both, 
it is an engagement between man and woman, formed for the advantage of each; and that when once entered into, they belong exclusively to each other till the moment of its dissolution; that it is their duty, each to endeavour to give the other no cause for wishing that he or she 
had bestowed themselves elsewhere, and their best interest to keep their own 
imaginations from wandering towards the perfections of their neighbours, or 
fancying that they should have been better off with anyone else.


Henry to Catherine, Northanger Abbey

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no walls

I was just about to go to bed when I stumbled on this post. And it's too good not to share. It's about real fellowship, the kind where everyone shares and supports each other, even in each other's humbling jarring weaknesses. I can't explain it right. You just gotta read it lah!

An excerpt:
From one Christian to another, I can't do it all by myself. I need you to boast in your weaknesses, so I know it's safe to boast in mine. Please be different.

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i am from Arts and i am smart

If you wondered what the Arts school is like, this will answer your questions. Written by my senior, Wui Jia.
____________________________________________________________
Shut up and listen, you jerk
For my opinions are what matter
Truth is for the sucker
Whose backbone is soft as butter
It’s cool to be critical of others who like Twilight
It’s good to have an opinion because I am always right
Doesn’t matter whether what I say
Would have an effect on what they feel
Even though subjectivity
Is such a big freaking deal
As long as my arguments make sense
My essays would make a distinction
I talk about social justice and the marginalized
But I step over those whom I cannot empathise
I’m smart because I embody perfection
Not like some other "faculties" who are by definition
Mindless dupes whose lives are run by formulae
Dumb blonds with empty heads and sugary fluffy parfait
I make fun of Bieber and Rebecca Black because it is just awesome
I talk about the rights of the homosexual who needs undivided attention
Oh how liberated I am!
Because I shackle the Other who is blind and swindled by scam
I spew foul language because I am free
And tear others down with my words and my amazing glee
It's classy to articulate opinions
Everyone is equal
But some are less equal than others
Because they don't agree with me
I want peace and I want to stop slavery!
I write about disempowered migrants
And I make fun of weird people and their brainless ideology
I am all for the rights of women
I can't stand my classmate because she is such a bitch!
I crush her name on Facebook and toss her reputation into the ditch
I am so awesome I cannot handle me
I bubble with intelligence but I hate stupidity!

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"it's so sad"

I looked at my cousin. We were standing on what used to be the sea, conveniently reclaimed by the government. He was happily drawing in the sand a moment ago.

"Why, why do you say that?"

He proclaimed solemnly.

"Coz the world is being destroyed."

Much perspective from a ten-year-old.

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A Strong Woman vs A Woman of Strength

There's a poster in my room that inspires me to be a woman who's different. The only thing is it's been there so long I took no notice of it anymore. In my move up, however, my eyes fell upon it, and I went, 'Hey, I remember you! I think I'll take you along with me.'

So now it's posted on the wall in front of me. Thought I'd share with you. Enjoy. =)
 
A strong woman works out everyday
to keep her body in shape...
But a woman of strength kneels in prayer
to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything...
But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her...
But a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
A woman of strength realizes life's mistakes
can also be God's blessing and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman walks sure-footedly...
But a woman of strength knows
God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face...
But a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith
that she is strong enough for the journey...
But a woman of strength has faith
that it is in the journey
that she will become strong...


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Let Us Remember

So shoot me I am a terrible blogger. Or maybe I'm just losing track of time. Either way, I hadn't realize that it's been more than a month since my last post. Shows just how absentminded I've become.

I used to take pride in my knack for remembering events, faces, names, and dates dating years back; my earliest memory is of when I was two before Lara was born. But now? Now I look at the caller ID and scrunch my face up trying to remember if I know a Michael Chua and if not, how did he end up in my contact list?  It's extremely frustrating, I tell you, for a person who likes to 'nostalge', as my sister would say.



Does it happen to you, my reader? Or have you not thought about it? Someone once told me that he forgets easily. Frankly speaking, I think that's quite sad. I don't like to forget. I don't want to forget. Because yesterday made what you are today. Every decision had a consequence, which led to another decision and so on. And whether you like it or not, yesterday cannot be changed.

True, there are some things we just want to forget. I wish I could turn to page 318 of my life and erase the words written there. But they were written in ink. If I use an eraser, I lighten the print, but it's still there. If I use the correction pen, I merely hide the words underneath the liquid.

Then again, there are other memories that are sweeter. What about that friend who came all the way down just for your birthday party? What about that stranger who smiled at you the day you were feeling lonely? What about that person who spoke words that inspired you that one time you met, only to never meet again after? What about the hours of laughter with family and friends?



We are in the 50th week of the year 2009. I don't want to enter the new year lugging a bag of stuff I didn't bother to see and treasure.  It would do us good if we pause now and take stock of our lives. Don't one's tendency to forget be an excuse. There are times when we should make an effort to remember.

We need to acknowledge our past if we want to move on with the future.



To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:

A time to born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, and a time to lose;
A  time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
A time of war, and a time of peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

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