undeserved Unknown

What did I do to receive such goodness? Such happiness? Such gentleness? Such peace in the faithfulness of God?

When I couldn't see past my nose, still You took care of me, guided me, protected me. All praise to you, Lord.

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

Cover me with Your hand

And lead me in Your righteousness

And I look to You

And I wait on You

I'll sing to You Lord

A hymn of Love

For Your faithfulness to me

I'm carried in everlasting arms

You'll never let me go

Through it all

"Through it all", Hillsong United

still I will say... Unknown

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." (James 1:2-3)

I'm so tired. I'm tired of never-ending assignments, of finding that one duty leads to another, of being confused by people issues, of finding that no matter how productive I try to be, how early I wake up and how late I try to stay up -- there is always something else requiring attention. And now my hands are paining from the load I've put on them and all my assignments are word-based.

I've already lessened my workload and still this happens.

Seriously, I've been wanting to give up. I've been wanting to scream and gripe about the woes that befall me.

Then the speaker at CF last week said something. He sensed that a lot of us were tired, and he said, "It's when you're tired that you must press on, you must persevere. For real love never gives up."

Well, he was talking about love, which at first thought doesn't relate. But if you think about God's kind of love, it makes sense. Love for the people asking for help. Love for God and for making sure all things honor Him. And if I give up, what would that say about my God? That He's such a defeatist? Forbid it!

And so I'm trying. I'm trying to count my blessings. I'm trying to not let the trials, little be they, eat at me. I try to continually focus on God that He'll be my strength. I remember Eunice mentioning how the more physically spent she was, the stronger she was spiritually, and am encouraged by that.

Oh that I would get there! That I would cling to His words, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor 12:9)!

And as I make it step by step, I've witnessed mini victories and mini miracles. And it's these little things that encourage me and remind me to say, "Lord, I will praise You regardless. Blessed are You, Lord."

Amen

the conversation and the pen Unknown

I hover the pen over the page,
Excited.
But I can't;
The page is already full.
Full of mess.
Phrases here, snippets there,
Doodles and lines
And errors. So many.
I try to fix them.
Black out, white out,
Scratches, rewrites.
I want to make it better,
But it's a mess.
"There's nothing more you can do."
I protest, "But look!
There's a space here, and
I can improve on that."
"No.
You're making it worse."
Well, isn't He blunt.
"But..."
"Hand me the pen."
I pretend not to hear.
"Hand me the pen, please."
He doesn't command
but I think otherwise.
"I know what I'm doing."
"Do you?"
Just an inquiry.
But still.
"Even if I hand it to You,
You don't know what I want."
"I do."
"You don't know how I imagine it to be."
"I do."
"Do You?"
Just an accusation.
He winks at me.
"If You do know, then tell me."
"Even better, I'll show you."
"No.
I want You to tell me first.
What do You intend?
How do You describe it?"
"It's better to just show you."
"Why?"
"Because."
Man, can He annoy sometimes.
"Why?"
"Describing won't do it justice.
Besides, it'll spoil the wonder of it all.
Don't you want to be surprised?"
"Sure, I love surprises.
I'd just like a pretty detailed hint
at the least."
He laughs.
"You're so stubborn."
Blunt again.
"No I'm not."
He grins.
"I'm the most adaptable person."
The grin stays.
"Well, if you are, then..."
He holds out His hand.
The pen's in a death grip.
I look at the page desperately.
"Just one more..."
I go for it
and stab a hole
right through.
I stare agape
and embarrassed.
"How...?"
He sighs
in sorrow.
I wait for the words,
I told you so.
But they never came.
"Trust Me."
I stare agape
at Him.
"What?"
"Trust Me."
"But the page's ruined."
"So?"
"So... it's beyond repair."
"If you do it your way."
He does know bluntness hurts, right?
"Are You saying You... can fix it?"
He smiles confidently.
"I can do better."
"How?"
"I'll show you."
Aaaarrrgghhh!
"Charmain."
Imperative tone. I look.
His eyes and mouth
are gentle.
But His open palm is firm,
His stance assured.
"Trust Me."
I bite my lip.
"Trust Me."
I avoid His gaze
and whisper,
"I want it to be perfect
SO BAD."
Pause.
"It will be perfect,
because I AM perfect."
Now I sigh
because it's true.
"So it'll be just as I want it to be?"
"No."
"What?"
"It'll be much more.
You can't even imagine it."
I start to speak
But stop.
"Trust Me."
A teardrop.
I lift my hand,
Close my eyes,
and drop.
the.
pen.
"Thank you."
I say nothing
but look at the page.
"But it's already a mess."
"Don't worry about it."
He reaches over,
rips it up,
throws it away.
Then
takes a new page
out of His own.
He winks at me.
"I use only the best."
I grunt.
He laughs
and hugs me.
"This had better be good."
"Oh, it will!"
He says,
Excited.
The teardrop rolls.
"Now."
He hovers the pen over the page.
"Shall we?"

God has a sense of humor Unknown

Sometimes a song pops to mind and I sing it. So here I was walking and singing this hymn I haven't thought of in ages...

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say...

And then I tripped and slightly sprained my ankle.
Now what?

It is well, it is well with my soul.

True story.

draw me nearer Unknown

Just learned of this song written by Fanny Crosby.
This is the updated version by Caedmon's Call.
Love the lyrics, love the tune.

earthquake Unknown

God is our refuge and our strength

A very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear,

Even though the earth be removed,

And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Though its waters roar and be troubled,

Though the mountains shake with its swelling.

Psalm 46:1-3

Dear Lord,

Two more earthquakes, Lord. What's happening? What are you telling us? Is it time?

what 2010 meant to me Unknown

Dear God,

I wasn't ready to say goodbye to 2010. I hadn't yet defined it. But it's one of those things in life one is meant to let go, even if I don't feel like it. And now that I've let it go, I see and understand why You meant it to be so.

It was a year of change. Change of environment and routine, change of direction, change in social circles, change in commitments, change of pace, change of self. Some were good, others bad.

It was a year of struggles. I struggled to adjust. I struggled with pride, the need to please people. I struggled with loss. I struggled with being open. I struggled to figure out who I am and who I want to be. I struggled to understand what really matters to You.

It was a year that taught me what truly matters in life; that everything else are add-ons, some even hindrances. You taught me to appreciate family, friendships, nature, times of solitude and rest, the value of diligence, the values of trust, faith and love.

It was a year to deal with myself. I became complacent. I fell into a place where I didn't even try to be better. I realized just how flighty I had become. I realized that I cannot wallow in my lackadaisical attitude. And when I knew, I didn't like what I saw.

And so You spoke to me. You told me to let go. You told me it was time to grow, to push ahead. That's why I wasn't ready to say goodbye to 2010. Because it meant saying hello to 2011, and accepting Your challenge to grow. I still wanted to kinda stay on the bridge.

Time flew too fast for me. I hardly had time to catch my breath. And now that the new year is here, I dread that the cycle continues. But I should trust You, shouldn't I? That a new year can mean a second chance, a refreshed start.

So now... I think I'm ready. I still haven't much a clue how to go about things, but I'm ready.


Thank You, Lord, for Your mercy and grace and faithfulness.
Thank You for 2010.

slow me down Unknown

Dropped by my favorite dance company, Chara's youtube profile. This dance is one of their latest, and I like it - not only for the dance, but also for the lyrics of the song. Seems to reflect my prayer of the moment. =)

S-O-S Unknown

Hey,

I've got food poisoning, my left ankle is tired, I think a fever's coming on.

And this Saturday, I'm going to run for RunNat and part-coordinate for my moral studies' youth leadership workshop project.

Lord, deliver me. Please pray for me yeah. Because nothing's gonna stop me from obeying Him.

According to my earnest expectation and my hope,

that in nothing I shall be ashamed,

but that with all boldness, as always,

so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body,

whether it be by life or by death.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Philippians 1:20,21

Refresh My Heart, Lord Unknown

I've been feeling... tired. Not physically, really, but spiritually. Not quite tired also, but just not quite in touch. The whole week God impressed on my heart the need to just be still before Him.  And He's telling me to take 24 hours off my routine, from now to tomorrow night.

"But God!" I protested. "I've got an assignment due on Monday. I need all the time I have."

"Forget about your assignment. There's time later. Right now, I just want you."

So I'll be going to this time out:

at KL/PJ LYPG.

Lord, I'm coming before You.
Knees bent, hand to heart, eyes on You.

Let's see what He has to say.

Groundwork Unknown

Have you ever had those moments when you were staring into space musing over some seemingly random thing, and suddenly had an epiphany? Like you were at McD's nibbling on a french fry watching the ketchup drip from your burger, then "Hey! The fries came from a potato, the ketchup's from a tomato, and together your figure had-ta-go!"

Yeah, that didn't make much sense, but I think you get what I mean.

A month ago, I went for Fast Wait and Pray (FWP 2), a time set aside to seek the Lord for direction in our lives and our nation. Well, at the end of the time, we realized that it's time for plowing because the soil's been hardened and filled with weeds and rocks. The word that stuck with me was GROUNDWORK.

In my personal life, I realized that I've been doing so many things but don't exactly know what and why I'm doing them in the end. So I've made it my purpose to put my life back in order. What I didn't realize was that I needed to work on my heart as well.

For a while now, I forgot about the awesome revelations I had at FWP. I forgot about groundwork. But tonight somehow or other, I was examining my heart -- and didn't like what I saw. I kept looking but discovered only more sin and hypocrisy. For there is none righteous, no not one -- Romans 3:10. I wrote this line.

I dig, dig, and dig, only to find more dirt.

I was staring at that line, forgetting the seriousness of the moment to admire the turn of words. Suddenly, it hit me that that's exactly what God meant when He said groundwork. It's not only the topsoil I have to clear. I need to dig deep and get at the roots, even if it's a painful challenge. That's why I'm going through what I'm going through now.

God led me to Matthew 16:6-12.

Then Jesus said unto them, Take heed and beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees. And they reasoned among themselves, saying, It is because we have taken no bread.
Which when Jesus perceived, he said unto them, O ye of little faith, why reason ye among yourselves, because ye have brought no bread? Do ye not yet understand, neither remember the five loaves of the five thousand, and how many baskets ye took up? Neither the seven loaves of the four thousand, and how many baskets ye took up?
How is it that ye do not understand that I spake it not to you concerning bread, that ye should beware of the leaven of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees? Then understood they how that he bade them not beware of the leaven of bread, but of the doctrine of the Pharisees and of the Sadducees.

It is known that the leaven of the Pharisees is pride. I always imagine pride as show-offy, like the way my dog strutted around as he showed off his catch. But now I know that pride can come in another form. It's wanting to look good in front of everybody. In my good deeds, I did not notice that I'm starting to do them only because I don't want to let anyone down. We want to show how capable we are, how passionate we are for God. And we can do this in a quiet non-show-offy way. Then God brings us back to land when He points out the hypocrisy.

So that's what I have today. Before this, I kept asking God, "Exactly what kind of groundwork do you want us to do?" I kept thinking of great tasks like the miracle of the feeding of the thousands. Boy was I wrong. I was just like those disciples and missed out on the real leaven -- the doctrine of pride.

It's in the mundane everyday life, those moments we brush off as just something we have to go through -- it's in them that we need to be sensitive to our responses, identify the roots, dig them out, and burn them to ashes.