"What do you want?"

It is not often that such a question is asked so pointedly, nor so blunt an answer needed. What more if the moment of deliberation was set up by God Himself.

It was before the cute young man's frequent guest appearances in my mind, when I found myself resting in the presence of my heavenly Father. What was initially a refreshing of the spirit evolved into a bewilderment, when in the last minutes of repose, God spoke Luke 11:9-12.

So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. If a son asks for bread from any father among you, will he give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will he offer him a scorpion?

Disheartenment did fall upon me, for the passage did not fit with things pressing on my heart that day. It was incumbent on me to pray for an explanation, but God said nothing further. Thinking that the end, I made my way to leave, the burden of the Word abiding.

So it was, my foot halfway in my shoe, about to exit the room, when it struck me.

"But no, God. What a strange thing to ask. That would be selfish of me."

"No. I want you to ask. What do you want?"

What came upon me, I know not. In spite of my doubts, I found myself bursting out a prayer for my ideal man.

"Lord, I just want someone who's not afraid to love me. Someone who would love me for who I am, and with whom I would feel safe, not just to be who I am, but to grow in being the person I'm supposed to be. And I pray likewise for him, that with me, he would be safe to be who he is and to grow into the man You called him to be."

And the burden lifted. I thought it the strangest occurence, for it was the first time that God specifically asked me to pray for a future with someone. Yet I knew that praying today does not translate into an answer tomorrow. In truth, I had settled it in my heart then that Mr. Darcy would present himself only some years hence.

But God does love to delight in the most surprising ways, and He brings help most unexpectedly. We now forward to the time when the young man's name had become almost constantly on my mind. A mutual friend who, being of the sharp and curious breed, came to know of my interest. Deeming the subject very much worth his while, he brought it upon himself to take on a task only soldiers can do.

"You want me to ask him?"


"You heard me. You want or not?"

How should I answer that? What do I want?

"I want, but I'm scared." Scared of finally knowing that he would have no interest at all. Perhaps, thought I, hanging in the balance is best after all.

"No such thing as maybe or scared. You want or not? Yes, or no?"

It was a moment of awakening . I realized suddenly that come what may, be it a favorable or unfavorable reply, knowing the truth would indeed set me free. Still my mouth took a while to form the word.


"Okay." And we parted ways.

What errands I had for that day, second-guessing the audacity of the act became my main task. I had just decided to retract the plan, when I discovered it was too late.

So it was, my foot halfway in the shoe, about to leave my house, when the call came.

"Okay. So I've called him."

WHAT?! So soon!

"And his answer is... yes."