My eight weeks at Monash have been good. Wait a minute... eight weeks? Has it really been two months? Or rather... has it only been two months? I don't know. Sometimes, it feels I've been here forever, sometimes I feel there's still so much to adjust to.

I am torn between two worlds.


I love Malacca and miss my family and loverlies, and the slower pace of life. But I also love the people in Monash, those whom I am getting to know better by the day. They've been a wonderful bunch, and many of them have encouraged me with their words, prayer, chauffeuring, food, and little notes.

Yet there come the times when I feel lost. And when I am overwhelmed, there's just one place I want to go... home. Home is still the place I breathe the freest. Home is still the place I am most me. It's back home when I realize that although it isn't intentional, I'm not completely me in Monash. It also made me wonder if who I am in Malacca is the correct version. Who is the real Charmain Sim then?

As a disclaimer, please note that I am NOT having some sort of split-personality disorder. For the most part, I'm still Charmain. It's the little things like having a 'KL' accent, and trying and failing to be witty.

But this year I've noted the importance of being the same person at all time, the importance of Integrity -- to be true even if being true means going against the crowd. After my first break home, I came back up decidedly wanting to be more open, less... timid? But it's hard. With the varied daily influences and pressure, perspectives may constantly change.

Oh to be who I am unashamedly, warts and all!

I am ever so glad, though, that while I stand on shifting sands, God remains the same.
Away from parents and sister, He's the only One who keeps me sane.
Oh what joy that God is my certainty in spite of this uncertain plain!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)