thursday's cadence

2012

2011-12-31T23:34:00.001-05:00

I am forever changed.

rest

2011-12-16T16:48:00.002-05:00

It's over.

My academic semester at the University of Miami ended yesterday. I powered through my finals, and moved all of my stuff -which turned out to be a lot - out of the room. Had a good 10-hour sleep last night after what seemed forever. And I did decent grocery shopping today. Yes, grocery shopping can be therapeutic.

I can't believe it's over just like that. I still remember how I felt the day I arrived to a very empty room, hungry and extremely exhausted. I knew no one, didn't know where things were, and had a huge cloud of uncertainty over me.

Yesterday when I left, the very empty room came back. But this time, I was full from a beef gyro, and was running on adrenaline. I was saying goodbye to a bit too many people, walked to places without hesitance, and had a shower of God-blessed confidence even though the rest of my time here is still in a blur.

Amazing how much can happen in 4 months. Dear God, I thank you. Some things you gave, some things you took away. But I have been and am still being purified because of all that.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

grace will come and clear our paths

2011-12-11T21:55:00.001-05:00

day 13... and 14 (I cheat)

2011-12-08T00:07:00.001-05:00

Day 13 is about a memory that never fails to make me laugh. And that's hard. Coz I can choose so many.

But I guess I could mention the day we went to fly kites, and the thunderstorm came, and we had forgotten to shut the car roof. So here we were running to the car for shelter, when the car itself was soaked.

Ah isn't life colorful!

Day 14, I'm supposed to share the best mash-up. Again, who's to decide? But I think this particular one is awesome. =)

day 12 - musical artist's life

2011-12-04T21:48:00.001-05:00

This online radio I've been listening to airs one particular commercial frequently. The ad promotes engagement rings. (Yeah, way to go for constantly reminding single girls what we're missing.)

Anyway.

The thing that irks me is this line that goes, "Celebrate the most romantic time of your life!"

Wait, what? The more I listened to it, the more I realize how wrong that idea is. Because romance shouldn't be only in the season of courtship and engagement. Yes, it's the lovey-dovey period, but the wedding doesn't signify the end of romance. It's only the beginning.

Marriage itself should be the romance of a lifetime. Yeah, maybe the feelings would evolve, but only to change to a love stronger than before. I'm confident it's only going to get better as time goes on. I witness it in my parents' marriage and in several others.

And so I tie this to Rebecca St. James, the musical artist whose life I admire. Because she was willing to forsake all counterfeits and wait for her romance of a lifetime. And God honored her commitment, because this year in April she got married to her Jacob Fink.

*sob* So happy for her!

So maybe there was a reason why I had to listen to that ad countless times.

the conversation and the pen

2011-11-30T11:30:00.001-05:00

I hover the pen over the page,
Excited.
But I can't;
The page is already full.
Full of mess.
Phrases here, snippets there,
Doodles and lines
And errors. So many.
I try to fix them.
Black out, white out,
Scratches, rewrites.
I want to make it better,
But it's a mess.
"There's nothing more you can do."
I protest, "But look!
There's a space here, and
I can improve on that."
"No.
You're making it worse."
Well, isn't He blunt.
"But..."
"Hand me the pen."
I pretend not to hear.
"Hand me the pen, please."
He doesn't command
but I think otherwise.
"I know what I'm doing."
"Do you?"
Just an inquiry.
But still.
"Even if I hand it to You,
You don't know what I want."
"I do."
"You don't know how I imagine it to be."
"I do."
"Do You?"
Just an accusation.
He winks at me.
"If You do know, then tell me."
"Even better, I'll show you."
"No.
I want You to tell me first.
What do You intend?
How do You describe it?"
"It's better to just show you."
"Why?"
"Because."
Man, can He annoy sometimes.
"Why?"
"Describing won't do it justice.
Besides, it'll spoil the wonder of it all.
Don't you want to be surprised?"
"Sure, I love surprises.
I'd just like a pretty detailed hint
at the least."
He laughs.
"You're so stubborn."
Blunt again.
"No I'm not."
He grins.
"I'm the most adaptable person."
The grin stays.
"Well, if you are, then..."
He holds out His hand.
The pen's in a death grip.
I look at the page desperately.
"Just one more..."
I go for it
and stab a hole
right through.
I stare agape
and embarrassed.
"How...?"
He sighs
in sorrow.
I wait for the words,
I told you so.
But they never came.
"Trust Me."
I stare agape
at Him.
"What?"
"Trust Me."
"But the page's ruined."
"So?"
"So... it's beyond repair."
"If you do it your way."
He does know bluntness hurts, right?
"Are You saying You... can fix it?"
He smiles confidently.
"I can do better."
"How?"
"I'll show you."
Aaaarrrgghhh!
"Charmain."
Imperative tone. I look.
His eyes and mouth
are gentle.
But His open palm is firm,
His stance assured.
"Trust Me."
I bite my lip.
"Trust Me."
I avoid His gaze
and whisper,
"I want it to be perfect
SO BAD."
Pause.
"It will be perfect,
because I AM perfect."
Now I sigh
because it's true.
"So it'll be just as I want it to be?"
"No."
"What?"
"It'll be much more.
You can't even imagine it."
I start to speak
But stop.
"Trust Me."
A teardrop.
I lift my hand,
Close my eyes,
and drop.
the.
pen.
"Thank you."
I say nothing
but look at the page.
"But it's already a mess."
"Don't worry about it."
He reaches over,
rips it up,
throws it away.
Then
takes a new page
out of His own.
He winks at me.
"I use only the best."
I grunt.
He laughs
and hugs me.
"This had better be good."
"Oh, it will!"
He says,
Excited.
The teardrop rolls.
"Now."
He hovers the pen over the page.
"Shall we?"

steadfast gift of God

2011-11-29T17:18:00.001-05:00

He's finally here.

My brother, Ethan Matthew Sim, came into the world on the morning of November 28, 2011.

I still can't quite believe it.

I have another reason to live.

Dear Ethan, I look forward to the day I'll meet you in person.

Look out, guys, there's a new man in my life.

maybe i should smile more

2011-11-26T20:28:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I got a free Subway sandwich.

Today a random cashier told me I have a nice smile.

Little joys. =)

thanks for nothing

2011-11-24T20:51:00.001-05:00

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. - Melody Beattie

Today, I walked an hour to the home of a family I've never met before, and sat down to feast with them. Crackers, spinach dip, cheeses, turkey, mash potatoes, stuffed mushrooms, turkey stuffing, key lime pie, pumpkin pie, fruits, and coffee. I'm pretty sure I missed out many more. It's ridiculous, but ridiculously good! Oh, and the family was really nice and warm too. No seriously, I'm glad I was matched to this home. =)

It was in truth a lonely day for me.
No family.
No one from Malaysia.
Roommate left for home.
Friends on holiday or at their own Thanksgiving plans.
The whole campus is like a ghost town.

But I'm thankful.

Encouraged by two articles from Boundless, Thanks for Nothing and The Best Way to Live, I choose to be grateful.

For God's faithfulness, grace and love.
For my family's unfailing love.
For my baby brother on the way!
For everyone who's not here today but has been there for me every other day.
For the family who welcomed me into their home for the day.
For being denied the good because the best is on the way.
For not having everything that I can be grateful for what I do have.

No matter that the origin of today's festival is less than noble, it's still good to take time to be grateful.

Happy Thanksgiving! =)

impatience

2011-11-21T11:49:00.001-05:00

Can someone tell my baby brother to come out already?!

God has a sense of humor

2011-11-16T23:32:00.001-05:00

Sometimes a song pops to mind and I sing it. So here I was walking and singing this hymn I haven't thought of in ages...

When peace like a river attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say...

And then I tripped and slightly sprained my ankle.
Now what?

It is well, it is well with my soul.

True story.

day 11 - best self-shot

2011-11-15T11:44:00.001-05:00

As it happens, I had to do a self-portrait assignment few weeks back.
So... here's one of the three I like best. LOL

1. I appreciate nature.
2. I appreciate simplicity.
3. I day dream too much.
4. I can be quite the loner.
5. I'm old school.
6. But there's still a *ahem* sexy side to me. ;)
7. People say I'm calm. (If only they knew better)

day 10 - a dream in the past week

2011-11-08T23:19:00.003-05:00

I can remember bits and pieces of dreams from different days, not one complete dream.

The most interesting one is the one where I was dreaming of grocery shopping. Yeah. I was making a list and all, and asking my friends if they needed anything.

Another one is when I was studying at a wooden table outdoors. I turned and saw him, who happened to see me on the way back from his workout and stopped by just to say hi. Now ain't that sweet.

Yes, I study and go grocery shopping (and have guys working out) in my dreams.

faith

2011-11-08T23:10:00.001-05:00

When you've reached a point where you're drained of all resources. When you're tired of yourself. When you don't know what else you can do in your capabilities.

That's when you realize the finite-ness of you. That you just can't do anything more. That you can't control everything.

Then you have nothing else to do but trust Him.

Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

draw me nearer

2011-10-26T00:01:00.000-04:00

Just learned of this song written by Fanny Crosby.
This is the updated version by Caedmon's Call.
Love the lyrics, love the tune.

day 9 - to pray for change in...

2011-10-22T17:13:00.000-04:00

this wretched
heart, Is more than I
can take. Proud, selfish, envious,
Lustful, conniving, dishonest, angry
Judgmental, mocking, Self-righteous,
veiled in nicety. Too much! Too much!
Whose heart is this? The sinner's, surely. FOOL!
Simpleton! What does he know? Can
one heart hold this much ugliness? The
BEAST is not worth. But alas! the beast is I!
That heart, if it be called so, Double-minded
on the wave. I refuse to call mine
But is mine, indeed. Shame!
Guilty as charged! What
right have I to stand
before God? This
wretched
heart. This
wretched
me.

designs

2011-10-20T18:11:00.000-04:00

I'm writing this to take a break. I've been sitting here since 2pm, and it's now 6pm. Designing newspaper pages is waaayyy harder than anyone imagined it to be. Add to that the fact that I'm not as artsy-fartsy. So here's a grand thank you to all designers in the publishing industry!! I appreciate your works!

So anyway, it's just another Thursday. I'm in the computer lab listening to mouse clicks and keyboard taps while this guy down my aisle says random last names to a guy on the other end of the line. It's pretty funny when in the past 30 minutes all you hear is, "Johnson... Walker... Yes, with a 'W'... Finch..." Who are these people? And what is this guy organizing?

I've been looking for pictures for my newspaper pages and came across this nice painting of paddleboards.

by Pristine Cartera-Turkus

And a paddleboarding-in-action one by another artist...

by Michelle Bower

I'm intrigued by Michelle Bower especially, because she lives in the Cayman Islands, and what she does is paint the scenes around her. Now isn't that the life!

funnimals

2011-10-16T20:38:00.000-04:00

This is Emo Zebra, better known as Emobra

And this is Okapi, cousin of Emobra.

No, actually, it's more the relative of Giraffe.

Wait, that's not Giraffe...

And this is the Groovy Emperor annoyed at the rain.

paddleboarding...

2011-10-14T22:39:00.001-04:00

... was great fun!

I had a really good arm and core workout - 2 hours of paddling!
I got to admire the homes of the rich in Miami
I got to admire their ridiculously huge yachts as well
I saw a raccoon
I also spotted an iguana
It's just great to be out on the waters

Downside - No waterproof camera =(

And if you don't really know what paddleboarding is, here's an idea what it is. This pic closely resembles what we were doing, paddleboarding up and down canals.

suit up day

2011-10-13T12:45:00.002-04:00

Suit Up Day! It's strange to walk around in a long sleeved shirt and pants and 5-inch heels when most everyone's dressed down. Took my time getting to class, I tell ya. Felt like I was a teacher or about to give a presentation. Oh, but I didn't wear the coat around because it's too hot!

My friends kept asking me what the occasion was, too. And I had to say that my friends back home made me do this. =P

Okay, going to the dining hall now... and in this attire!

tickled by the mundane

2011-10-12T23:04:00.002-04:00

Today was a good day of normalcy... away from school.

I went grocery shopping, printed pictures, sorted pictures, cleaned my room, ironed my clothes, went dancing, had cereal for dinner.

Yesterday was a pretty good day too. I went to my morning class, then swam at the outdoor pool, went to my second class, then cycled to Branches to volunteer and help kids with their homework. There's an 8-year-old girl who says she can do 20 push-ups and wants to be a black-and-purple kitten for Halloween. Then I watched Mulan, and had pizza for supper on the swings outside my dorm.

Yeap. For some reason, I'm loving these 2 days. :)

Love.

but wait

2011-10-08T23:12:00.000-04:00

And then you thank God for technology and people who invented them (thank you, Steve Jobs) because then you get to witness a moment live as if you were there. It's not the same as actually being there, but it sure alleviates the longings of home.

My beautiful cousin about to toss the bouquet.

it rains

2011-10-08T20:00:00.001-04:00

It's just one of those days.

You wake up to a thunderstorm that's been raging on all night. At first you think, "Ah, this is a refreshing change from the heat and sun!" And then as the day passes, the rain doesn't. The wind and water blows just as steadily now as it did this morning. And you're stuck in your little room, which you don't usually mind doing. But today, it's just too much to be stuck at the desk doing homework for hours long. You go out to eat, only to think about the books waiting at home.

And then you think about home. You think about how all your noisy cousins and nosy aunts and hungry uncles are gathered for a big occasion called a wedding - the first in your generation - and you think about how you're not there. Then you go to Facebook and scroll through pictures of your other family doing the same ol' ridiculous things like sleeping in the library and forcing someone to do things he or she doesn't want to do (but is secretly happy to oblige) and pretending to study. And you think, "What am I doing here, trying to describe my very exciting daily schedule in Spanish?"

It's just one of those days.

day 8 - president material

2011-10-06T11:43:00.001-04:00

If there's one person I know who's an excellent leader, it's my father.

Maybe I sound like a little kid who believes her dad is a superhero. And you know what, maybe I am that little kid... albeit with a more realistic view of what a hero is.

But anyways, I nominate my father with confidence because I've been blessed with first-hand knowledge of how my dad operates in his workplace.

He's level-headed. When two ships are near the point of collision, and everyone's frozen into shock, my dad's calm enough to make that life-saving command.
He's wise. It's not easy to manage 35 people who are sleeping, eating, and working in the same place for 6 months. Neither is it easy to handle immigration procedures, safety laws, quality work, and office politics sometimes all at once.
He's honest. He really is. Sometimes it's hard to tell him a secret. But it's more than that. My dad can't stand corruption, and in a environment where a lot is going on, he's always fought to uphold the rule of moral standard.
He's intelligent. It's amazing how many details he can remember from history, current world politics, and random movie trivia (which is where I got it from! the movie trivia, I mean.) Oh and he's an excellent teacher.
He thinks of others. In spite of all the operational workload, his first concern is the safety of his crew and the consideration of their families back home.
He's humble. When things don't quite go right, he can get worked up. But he's always the first to apologize or acknowledge his mistakes. And the guy who can say sorry is a real man indeed.

So here's a little tribute to my daddy. Love you! =)

to live

2011-10-03T22:27:00.000-04:00

I have 90 days left in Miami.

What would you do if you had 90 days left?

What would I do? Where do I start?

one afternoon

2011-09-26T22:48:00.001-04:00

It was a quiet day in downtown Miami. I went to take pictures for my photojournalism class. The picture above is of who I assume to be a down and out man. He obligingly smiled. I wish I had more guts to actually speak to him. I did think about it and went back, but he was gone by then. A moment missed.

abajo

2011-09-16T22:10:00.003-04:00

One of the perks of salsa is you get to dance with
cute guys who know how to move it.

And today a veerry cute one asked me to dance

(Although half the time I didn't know what I was doing)

truckloads of food

2011-09-15T23:55:00.005-04:00

Tonight was Gourmet Food Truck Night!

Two things happened today.

I ate 5 fries. NOOOooooo...
From the day I landed, my left knee has been clicking, and it can get pretty painful if I bend my leg quickly. I don't even know how or what I did on the flight here that made it such. I was just thinking of making a trip to the medical center on campus, but today while walking back from Food Night, my knee clicked back into place! Praise the Lord! I was so worried it'd be a permanent injury. I'm so grateful for God's little surprises. =)

let me count the ways

2011-09-15T11:29:00.001-04:00

So I figured, I should try to post a little bit about life here every day or so.

And yesterday, I finally, finally got to watch this classic!

Now I know why everyone's talking about it. It's pretty artistic. I forgot just how sexy Heath Ledger's voice was. sigh. Oh, and add Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and I'll leave the hall happy!

Here's a glimpse of the campus cinema.

And here's us just before the movie started. =D

day 7 - favorite cover of a favorite song

2011-09-13T23:06:00.001-04:00

Eva Cassidy has the best version of the Wizard of Oz song, hands down.

4 weeks

2011-09-13T22:55:00.001-04:00

Today was the beginning of my fifth week here. Yes, I have been in Miami for a month. Can you believe this? I can't. Honestly, my time here has been both fast and slow. I've been doing so many things and meeting so many people I can't believe it's only 4 weeks. Then when I think about home, I can feel the distance. Like totally.

So what can I say about my stay here thus far?

1. I'm enjoying my classes! Aiyo, Charms, of all things, you start off with the studies? But... but... I'm a nerd! So yes, I'm taking Public Policy and Administration, Elementary Spanish, Newspaper Editing and Layout, and Photojournalism. I have more homework than assignments, which when accumulated on paper looks a lot, but somehow I feel the workload is easier than Monash. Strange eh. Maybe one thing is because it's a 15-week semester. And I save a lot of time from living on campus.

2. I'm feeling all things Latin! I'm so glad I'm finally learning Spanish, which turned out useful yesterday. Hehe. I hear people speaking Spanish everywhere man. What's more, I know a group of exchange students from Spain. Oh and did I mention I'm learning salsa? And I went for zumba today. Maybe there's a purpose why I'm learning all things Latin.

3. There are people from all over the world here. Dutch, Sri Lankan, Czech Republican, Spanish, German, British, Chinese, and Americans of course from across the states. It's nice to get to know people, although I do get moments of culture shock. All comes with the experience, I guess. One thing I know is there are so many people to visit next time. LOL!

4. UM has a very beautiful campus! There are trees and grass everywhere. Squirrels and ducks. I walk under the sun more there than I do at home, which I love. Now this is one thing Malaysia could definitely benefit from. And the facilities! There's a cinema free for students. There's a huge wellness center with a cool gym, pilates room, jogging track, indoor and outdoor courts, swimming pool, sauna, and multipurpose rooms. I can assure you, I'm making the most of the facilities!

5.Food's pretty good here (bacon and brownies!), but I so totally miss seafood!! Fish! Sotong! Lala! And although salads are always healthy, I'm craving chai tan, chai sim, tauge, kangkung, and all the many greens available at home. Strange cravings, but when I was watching WongFuProduction's video on ramen cookoff (actually it's just maggi mee la, but they refer to all as ramen), wow it looked so good! Reminds me of my cousin Ben, he always makes maggi mee look so delicious.

6. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm actually in the States and thousands of miles away from home.

So that's it for now. I will try to update more often now that I've settled down. And as for the 30-day challenge, I'll try to post on it every few days. Nag me if I don't!

Missing you all back home!
Much loves

day 6 - thank you letter

2011-09-06T22:41:00.001-04:00

So really, there are a great many people who've impacted my life. But today I'd like to take the time to thank two particular persons.

Dear Lindley and Rachel,

Yes, it's you two. I've been missing you guys. Three weeks here and I'm still not quite used to not having either of you in my classes. I love how we could sit after and just talk about moral issues related to class, relationships, and cute lecturers. The 3 Christian Arts girls, someone said before. But I'm proud of our "title". :) There are times when I feel like discussing something deep but I don't quite yet have such a relationship here.

Lindley, I love how you're chirpy and laugh easily. You're a total social butterfly, and I wonder how you do it. I get tongue-tied and awkward a lot of times. But you make it look so easy to get to know people, to be their friend, to be the listening ear when they're in need. And I can really witness how you're growing in your walk with God. You encourage me when there are times I just want to be a hermit.

Rachel, you have such a quiet but warm presence. I admire how you talk to the less-noticeable people so easily. And I really really respect your passion for missions. I'm still struggling with the idea of total abandonment to Him in regards to what I want to do with my life. But you just go and do it, you know.

The way I see it, you are two rather different personalities, but underlying those differences, you both have such a great love for God and people. And it's such an open love. I'm changed because of that. Because through the both of you, I see that I don't have to be the most charismatic extrovert or Mother Teresa before I can love people. I can just be me, as God created me to be.

So here's to you, Lindley and Rachel, and how you've influenced me in 1 and 1/2 years. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I look forward to being reunited again.

With much love,
Charms

day 6... i mean 5

2011-07-29T13:02:00.002-04:00

Okay, I know I'm supposed to write a thank you letter to someone, but I still can't decide who. So many people I can and wanna thank. So I'm gonna cheat a bit and switch around.

This is my earliest memory.

I was standing in front of a mirror inside my home, holding some toy and talking. I was pretending that my reflection was someone else - a friend. I can't remember for the life of me what exactly I said, but I do know that "we" were engaged in a very serious conversation - probably on whether Brown Bear should be forgiven for shouting at White Bear (Actually, I can't even remember what toys I had, except for that one brown bear).

I was about 2 and half years old. Lara wasn't born then. So I was still an only child and very much needing friends. So you could imagine my excitement when my mom told me that a friend was on the way. Twenty years later, and I'm still grateful for my built-in best friend.

Who needs a mirror reflection when you've got a sister. =D

P.S. Won't have internet connection for 2 days.

day 4 - my kind of paradise

2011-07-27T12:43:00.004-04:00

I imagine

A garden by the sea

Where cherry grows next to mango,

And durian's the friend of peach.

I imagine

A garden by the sea

For strolls among the shadows

And picnics at half past three.

I imagine

A garden without strangers

The eternal great party
For the Pasts, Presents, Futures.

I imagine

A garden of harmony

Of laughter and song,

And whispers over the sea.

I imagine

Peace.

A peace not bound by time,

For there is no time

But now

And forever.

I imagine

Rest

From pretenses and appearances

Envy and strife

It's the rest of who I am

in who He is.

I imagine
Love

That considers not itself

Every moment of bliss

I've had on this earth

Upended by what Joy

In this place of mirth.

If I had to imagine my paradise

It'd be this Garden by the sea.

day 3 - 5 songs on a deserted island

2011-07-26T05:53:00.005-04:00

Ekcherly, does this mean that the songs have to be island-related? Or to cheer me up since I'm deserted? Don't think I'll do it like that anyway. And ekcherly, 5 is not enough for all my favorite songs. But well, these are some songs I would pick.

1. When I Survey the Wondrous Cross by Isaac Watts
I sing this hymn when I'm troubled, or afraid. The lyrics rejoice of the amazing-ness of God's love.

2. Blue Sky by Francesca Battistelli
It's a happy, groovy song that I'd dance to anytime. =D

3. Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin
This is a beautiful tribute to women. Although any song by this dude is fine by me. McLaughlin's an awesome singer-songwriter... and cute too. <3

4. Quando, Quando, Quando by Engelbert Humperdinck
Aahh... an oldies song to send me to the land of nostalgia, back to those cozy family evenings at sea, where we used to dim the lights, listen to oldies, and play Ludo.

5. World of Our Own by Westlife
Coz I just found out my fave boyband is coming to Malaysia in October after so long! Why must they always come at the wrong time? :'(

day 2 - something that inspires you

2011-07-24T13:58:00.003-04:00

Just a note, I have no chatbox because I keep getting spammers. >:(

Okay, inspiration. Two things came to mind.

1. Nature - Nature is always inspiring. But recently, it's particularly birds. I'm so fascinated by their absolute lack of worry. They greet the day singing, and freely flit from tree to tree, shelter to shelter. I watch how they come to our makaturi trees everyday to eat the little seeds, and one particular bird stops at our nona plant everyday to see if any fruit has ripened. One magpie steals our turtle's pellets. They have to fly out for food, but they do it with certainty - there's food somewhere out there. Then they fly around somemore, and go dating, and make nests to keep shiny objects. It's almost like they're taking it for granted... or having faith that Someone out there is watching over them. How true when Jesus says, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?"

I worry a lot. So the birds really inspire me to live with simple faith. That when I wake up, I won't sigh at the day's to-do list, but to smile and sing at what joy the day will hold.

2. Dancers - I always get inspired when I watch dancers. They make it look so easy, but I know how much practice and technique training would be needed to be that good. I marvel at the level of commitment they put into it. I love dance, but I get so lazy at the thought of all that work. Or there's always something that needs to be done and hence makes me forgo this interest of mine. Recently, I've been thinking that I shouldn't let this interest fade away before I get too creaky or stiff. So yeah, here's to hoping that I'll pick it up again, and pick it up proper. =D

day 1 - guilty pleasure

2011-07-23T12:53:00.004-04:00

So you know that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony split.

But do you also know that Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck have been married for 6 years already? Or that Nicky Byrne's (Westlife) father-in-law was once Prime Minister of Ireland, and sister-in-law is Cecelia Ahern, author of P.S. I Love You?

Or how about this: Vin Diesel's new girl in Fast Five, Elsa Pataky, is married to Chris Hemsworth of Thor, who is brother to Liam Hemsworth who met Miley Cyrus on the set of The Last Song, got together, broke up, and got together again.

I have a fascination with Hollywood gossip. I google names and pictures. I buy Hot magazine. And it's not just the celebrities. I love reading up on movies as well. And I tend to IMDB a movie right after watching it. Like I know Jake Gyllenhaal did his own stunts in Prince of Persia, and Meryl Streep recorded "The Winner Takes It All" for Mamma Mia! in just one take.

I know so many random things about the entertainment industry. And that's what I feel guilty about. Because I could have used the time I spent googling Hollywood to read up on news or research humanitarian crises. Memorizing the Bible could perhaps be a breeze if I didn't decide to fill up my memory space with random facts that's not going to help me in much except trivia games.

But I still do it. It's sooo my guilty pleasure.

My other guilty pleasure is popping pimples when they're ripe.

she's alive?

2011-07-22T11:43:00.000-04:00

I'm back!

At least, I hope I am. :D

And just a heads up, since I've been really clueless on what to blog about, I thought it a most opportune moment when my friends decided to take up this 30-day blogging challenge thingo.

So yes, tomorrow I'll start posting... although I'm supposed to be on Day 5 already. Sorry lah, too sleepy now.

Goodnight!

You are for me

2011-05-14T10:37:00.000-04:00

Been ages. I know. I've had to prioritize, and well, other things are of more importance in this season.

But there's this song that is so beautiful and heartfelt. I came across it on a friend's blog, and I can't stop listening to it.

Here's to you, when you feel like God's not there. May you be blessed too. :)

pop!

2011-04-19T09:46:00.000-04:00

I let the security guard seal my plastic bag and caught up with my aunt as she picked up a basket. I vacantly stared at the rows of offer items on the racks. Milk powder, plastic containers, T-shirts.

Then I realized...

It's been weeks since I stepped into any supermarket to shop.

I had the same strange feeling two weeks ago when I walked into Nichii. When was the last time I shopped?

Day in, day out. Uni, home, uni. Occasional meal at Medan or one of the malls. Then back home. Or uni.

I've been living in a bubble!

i am from Arts and i am smart

2011-03-29T10:47:00.002-04:00

If you wondered what the Arts school is like, this will answer your questions. Written by my senior, Wui Jia.

____________________________________________________________

Shut up and listen, you jerk

For my opinions are what matter

Truth is for the sucker

Whose backbone is soft as butter

It’s cool to be critical of others who like Twilight

It’s good to have an opinion because I am always right

Doesn’t matter whether what I say

Would have an effect on what they feel

Even though subjectivity

Is such a big freaking deal

As long as my arguments make sense

My essays would make a distinction

I talk about social justice and the marginalized

But I step over those whom I cannot empathise

I’m smart because I embody perfection

Not like some other "faculties" who are by definition

Mindless dupes whose lives are run by formulae

Dumb blonds with empty heads and sugary fluffy parfait

I make fun of Bieber and Rebecca Black because it is just awesome

I talk about the rights of the homosexual who needs undivided attention

Oh how liberated I am!

Because I shackle the Other who is blind and swindled by scam

I spew foul language because I am free

And tear others down with my words and my amazing glee

It's classy to articulate opinions

Everyone is equal

But some are less equal than others

Because they don't agree with me

I want peace and I want to stop slavery!

I write about disempowered migrants

And I make fun of weird people and their brainless ideology

I am all for the rights of women

I can't stand my classmate because she is such a bitch!

I crush her name on Facebook and toss her reputation into the ditch

I am so awesome I cannot handle me

I bubble with intelligence but I hate stupidity!

earthquake

2011-03-24T11:55:00.000-04:00

God is our refuge and our strength

A very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear,

Even though the earth be removed,

And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Though its waters roar and be troubled,

Though the mountains shake with its swelling.

Psalm 46:1-3

Dear Lord,

Two more earthquakes, Lord. What's happening? What are you telling us? Is it time?

forgive and forget

2011-03-23T12:11:00.006-04:00

This proverb has been stuck in my mind everyday since I read it. It says a lot about the extent of forgiveness and love. Who knew that I had to put it into practice.

Someone changed my birthday on Facebook last weekend. Many people got confused, for which I felt extremely bad, because there were many sincere wishes and even a call in the late hours of the night. Anyway, I was really mad at the person who did such a thing thoughtlessly, and because I didn't know who did it, ended up chastising publicly on Facebook. Anyway, the person who did the prank admitted it and apologized. I forgave the person. Now the hard part is what comes after.

Because it was such a public matter, a number of people asked me about it, and were equally curious as to who the culprit was. I guess God was preparing me beforehand, for the verse shone like neon lights in my head. I made up my mind not to tell anyone who it was. But not before I told one person - just one person, I could say out of coercion, but I really should have been stronger. Immediately I regretted it and repented.

It really is a struggle to rise above the norm. My handling of this situation wasn't perfect. Yet God's still gracious in teaching me and forgiving me too. It was a little incident, this birthday thing, but the lesson learned is eternal.

So, if you did want to ask, I'll just say here that I'm not going to tell who the person is. That person already feels bad enough, I don't think it'd be love if I repeat the matter.

It's not just to forgive. It's to forgive and forget.

why is hell forever?

2011-03-23T11:27:00.001-04:00

Moore to the Point by Russell D. Moore

Just read this and it really... convicted me of the gravity of sin and the finality of hell. Click the link above or the title post.

forward

2011-03-22T13:18:00.002-04:00

by our very bold local band, Paperplane Pursuit

i refuse

2011-03-21T10:25:00.000-04:00

"I Refuse" by Josh Wilson. Inspiring, moving.
In light of what's been happening, this song really wakes me up.

‘Cause I don’t want to live like I don’t care.
I don’t want to say another empty prayer.
Oh, I refuse to
Sit around and wait for someone else
To do what God has called me to do myself.
Oh, I could choose
Not to move but I refuse.

who's adjusting who?

2011-03-21T09:59:00.003-04:00

Click on the picture to go to the article "God, Freedom, and the 'Adjustment Bureau'"

I watched this movie some weeks ago and it disturbed me. Do you know why?

It disturbs me that it implies we humans are able to twist God's arm. Of course, they don't explicitly say that, but the "chairman up there"? Sounds like a god, at the very least. And the angel-like beings are rather distasteful - you're much made to dislike them. The Bureau is a set-up which main aim seems to make your life miserable. Also, despite their supposed long-time existence, the agents haven't a clue what they're doing. The Bureau is powerless when it claims to be otherwise.

It implies that man knows better than the "chairman". In fact, the protagonist is almost like a spoilt brat who demands what he wants and nothing else. Faith issues aside, I don't think any of us applaud someone for his self-interest. There's the encouragement of rebellion.

And am I suppose to believe that the lust kind of love can change the course of life? This is the kind of love I believe can do greater:

Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. (John 15:13)

I am reminded of Greek mythology. Their gods are similar - powerful to an extent, but extremely flawed which makes them not much different from humans. And forget about fancy names like the "Adjustment Bureau". It's the ageless old pagan concept - only with nicer-sounding terms.

Maybe The Adjustment Bureau wasn't at all about a supreme being, but about governments. But if so, why present it in such a confusing way? I believe there is the intention there to define more than bureaucratic institutions. There's an article I discovered that reviews the movie very aptly, giving words to the burden I felt but couldn't express. You can click on the picture to go there, or simply click here.

The one thing I am glad is that that which is propounded in The Adjustment Bureau is the fiction, and what I know the real thing. I am glad that the real Chairman above knows what He's doing, and His plans are "to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). I am glad the real Chairman doesn't dictate, but convicts our free will. I am glad the real Chairman doesn't view us as objects to control, but as children to love.

I am glad that beside this counterfeit, the real thing holds truer than before.

no museums

2011-03-14T12:05:00.001-04:00

You cannot do anything for your salvation, but you must do something to manifest it, you must work out what God has worked in.

God never has museums.

- Oswald Chambers

sands of time

2011-03-13T09:04:00.003-04:00

So teach us to number our days,

That we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Psalm 90:12

When families have lost homes, Earth's axis has shifted, and the world is gripped with fear of a nuclear explosion and another earthquake, a lot of things are revealed to be temporal.

And here I am stressing over assignments and what to wear tomorrow. Of what eternal worth are these?

thursday letters

2011-03-10T10:11:00.003-05:00

Dear Juliet,

Today, with a clipboard of forms in hand, I went round the library, interrupted intently-studying students, and asked if they're Malaysian, 21 years old, and have registered as voters. I was rather petrified at first, but by the end of the hour, I felt so triumphant that I actually managed to talk to random strangers. Ah such joy! It's like... exercising my right to speak.

Almost everyone I approached gave me the same initial look - the deer in headlights' "What do you want? Who are you? Did I do something wrong?" Then there were others who actually already noticed me, but pretended to be unawares, hoping I'd bypass them. But with both groups, eventually I saw the wave of relief when they realized I'm not a salesperson nor a student-gone-mad-from-studying-now-terrorizing-all. I began to then think of all the times I've been guilty of the same expressions. Yes, I thought all these while attempting to be professional in my conversations with peers.

I don't suppose you've ever been bothered about things like voters' registration, because there was no such thing back then anyway. How much have things changed between my time and yours.

If you were real and living today, would you be interested in politics, I wonder?

>21-year-old,
thursday

P.S. It has come to my knowledge that I have yet to read the tale of you and Romeo. I should do it soon. But I did read about your predecessors, Tristan and Isolde.

so simple

2011-03-09T10:06:00.000-05:00

True to life, true to me, the way it's got to be
Live to love, love to be, absolutely free

I've been listening to an "old" singer, Stacie Orrico and this particular song is stuck in my head. The best life is the simple life. =)

trapped

2011-03-07T08:33:00.003-05:00

So I feel like I should update my blog more often. But uh... I don't have any ideas at the moment for themes of topics. Any suggestions? =D

On the other hand, I was driving on the North-South Expressway over the weekend and noticed the warning signs for speed trap zones. Not that I didn't notice them before, but this time I really thought it over. And I wondered...

If it's supposed to be a speed TRAP

[any device, stratagem, trick, or the like for catching a person unawares]

...why in the world are you letting us know that it's there?

perfection is my enemy

2011-03-03T11:11:00.001-05:00

Inspired by Letters to Juliet... and Sarah Yong's blogpost.

Dear Francesca Battistelli,

How do you do it? Writing lyrics that echo my heart's sentiments so simply yet with much profoundness. Today the phrase that is my post title kept going through my head. Perfection has indeed been my enemy- How I've struggled with a drive for perfection since young, only to be disappointed by failure to reach the aspirations I had set myself.

Ironically, I had to deal with this issue again while singing the very song that had these lyrics. I froze the last time I attempted to sing in front of an audience. But the more I practiced your song, the more I believed in your words.

Thus did the performance come to pass, and it wasn't perfect. And of course I still cringed. ugh. But at the end, it didn't turn out as bad as I dreaded it to be. I had friends who were patient with my mistakes, and.God's shoulders to sit on.

So, dear Francesca, I just want to say thank you for using your gifts to glorify God. Because God used them to minister to people like me, who's dented not only one but two fenders, and is just as imperfect as that girl in the song.

Always,
thursday

my new favorite nerd

2011-03-01T11:55:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone, thanks for your kind thoughts. I'll be the first to admit it's very strange writing so much about a rabbit, but well, we're animal lovers, and I write also for how God taught and spoke to me through her.

Anyway, I don't want to leave the impression that I'm the kind that broods in depression for months on end. I miss Sunny much still, but life has to go on.

I watched Tangled the other day and fell in love with Zachary Levi's voice. Not that Mandy Moore wasn't good, she's perfect as Rapunzel!

But anyways, I was just listening to the Tangled song that was nominated for an Oscar and wonder why in the world it lost. Then I listened to Terrified, which I already loved before this.

And you wanna learn something cool? Zachary Levi is a Christian! Like, a proper Christian Christian, not just by name. And he's not a Jew. I always thought he was.

But well. Here's some easy listening for you. =)

P.S. I say he's a nerd because he acts as one - in the TV series "Chuck".

my fluff of sunshine

2011-02-20T05:24:00.004-05:00

Happiness came in a ball of a rabbit.

We called her Sunshine, Sunny for short. She was naive, very timid, and not very smart at times. Yet her innocence didn't seem to trouble her at all. When there's food, she's happy. I think of how she was so attuned to the sounds of the kitchen, that when she hears the turn of the kitchen doorknob, a rustling of plastic, or even the opening of the fridge door, she hops to attention hoping we have something for her to munch on. Saturday, the other rabbit, can be chasing her round the pen, or gruff at her when she's jealous, but Sunny can still go and sit next to Saty immediately after, sometimes even sitting nose to nose. She still wanted to follow Saty when Saty can be chasing her away. I think that she purposely did it at times just to tease Saty.

But she respected Saty's authority as the 'top rabbit'. The older she got, the more she understood and was willing to wait for Saty to get the first pats and food before she comes. But Sunny will come. There's a hierarchy but she expects the same treatment. And the funny thing is, as weak as she was, Sunny always was so bouncy and excited. She remained simple-hearted. She was truly a ball of sunshine.

She came into our lives in July 2008, when I was still healing. She became my comfort. Instead of thinking only about my pain, I could direct my attention to her. She was a small but significant step in moving on.

I remember what a struggle it was to understand her behaviors, and to get her to trust me. She was so timid I didn't know how to reach out to her. And I spoiled her, definitely. But there were also plenty of times when I didn't feel like caring and took for granted that Lara will take care of her. Frequently did I have to remind myself that she is my rabbit. I didn't care for her as much last year, when I moved to KL. Lara took over, Mummy took over. I wish I had done more. I wish I had more time with her. But and as long as I knew she was safe and well, and causing the usual ruckus alongside Saty, I was happy.

She reminds me of myself, especially of myself the past few years. Awkward, rather aimless, timid, weak-willed, quite a loner, princess-y, fragile. But she also taught me a few things. The interesting part about her is that she was actually very sharp, attentive, and cunning even. She's the epitome of being wise as serpents but harmless as doves. Saty was the director, but she was the one devising ways to escape from the pen. She knew Saty is bossy but she allowed it. She was a hard worker and a neat freak of a sort -- she can commit the whole night to pushing one fallen mango leaf out of the pen through the fence. She had more character than just being pretty and shy.

Perhaps it's rather absurd to be writing this much in describing one tiny little rabbit. But these are observations from 2 1/2 years. These are all the things I've wanted to say to describe Sunny, but never did.

We got home from KL on a Sunday afternoon, excited to be back after 2 months. But soon after we arrived home, we learned the news. Three days before, the grass-cutter came to mow the lawn before we got back and he left the small gate open for no more than 5 minutes. That pest of a brown dog that's been roaming the taman for months came in and got my adorable ball of fluff. It was just one bite, but it was enough.

At first Lara and I were numb, we kept saying it's okay, things like this happen, especially when it comes to pets. But slowly our emotions gave way and the tears came. When I wasn't in tears, there was a dull heaviness in my chest.

The way Sunny went, the abruptness of it, points to the thought that she was on loan. I think of how that month - January - was the end of my third year after the break-up, and how God said it'd take me 3 years to be restored from complete brokenness. Then, at the end of the 3 years, Sunny is no more. That's why I cry even more, you know, because I see the bigger picture in this. And it's such a conflict inside, knowing that the past has truly ended, of which I'm grateful for, and yet it ended with another loss. I can't help asking, "Why? Couldn't she be allowed to live? It didn't have to be this way. Did I take her for granted?" But these thoughts, these questions can never bring her back.

Sunny is precious to me because we grew together. We grew bolder, we opened our hearts more, we loved more, we settled in, became content with who we were. And she taught me to live simply. She also taught me about obedience and submissiveness, especially when we trimmed her fur and she never moved an inch. How there's so much patience in a bunny amazes me.

It's been a month and it still hurts sometimes, yet I thank God. Thank God that I even had 2 1/2 years with her. I learned a lot from her, from her strengths and weaknesses. I learned about caring for another and being committed in that caring. It wasn't perfect, I'm sorry for when I took her for granted, I wish I'd more time with her, but I'm grateful for what I do have. And I trust God to continue walking with me this year and onwards, through pain and joy, rain or sun.

Sunny. Sunshine. Goodbye. I love you and will always remember you.

highlights of 2010

2011-01-04T07:08:00.001-05:00

I was in deep, contemplative mood two days ago. Today? Today I write the things I am grateful for, for the year that has gone.

Studies. I forgot what joy it is to study. I enjoyed getting back to routine, I even am grateful for the struggles and frustrations. I truly learned this year.
"Old" friends. Those I left behind in Malacca, those from Malacca but are in KL/wherever else, and MYPG-ians. We're so busy we couldn't meet much. I miss you, and truly treasure the time we've known each other. Let not the changes of life erase how much you have influenced who I am today.
"New" friends. Basically the Monash-ians and SIB-ians. You supported me, challenged me, cheered me up, fattened me up. I worried if I could fit in, but you made me feel welcomed.
Australia. The rest I terribly, terribly needed. I'm loving my time here, and am now rested mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Family. Always there. Always with open arms. Cousins, uncles, aunties, Mummy, Daddy, Lara. Love you!
God. I struggled to stay close to You, but You were beside me even when I thought You weren't.

I regret I cannot list all by name, lest I should miss someone out. Because there's just soooo many of you. =P

But yeah.

With all my love,

Charms

psalm 5:8

2011-01-03T06:54:00.001-05:00

Lord, since I have many enemies,

show me the right thing to do.

Show me clearly how you want me to live.

what 2010 meant to me

2011-01-02T09:30:00.009-05:00

Dear God,

I wasn't ready to say goodbye to 2010. I hadn't yet defined it. But it's one of those things in life one is meant to let go, even if I don't feel like it. And now that I've let it go, I see and understand why You meant it to be so.

It was a year of change. Change of environment and routine, change of direction, change in social circles, change in commitments, change of pace, change of self. Some were good, others bad.

It was a year of struggles. I struggled to adjust. I struggled with pride, the need to please people. I struggled with loss. I struggled with being open. I struggled to figure out who I am and who I want to be. I struggled to understand what really matters to You.

It was a year that taught me what truly matters in life; that everything else are add-ons, some even hindrances. You taught me to appreciate family, friendships, nature, times of solitude and rest, the value of diligence, the values of trust, faith and love.

It was a year to deal with myself. I became complacent. I fell into a place where I didn't even try to be better. I realized just how flighty I had become. I realized that I cannot wallow in my lackadaisical attitude. And when I knew, I didn't like what I saw.

And so You spoke to me. You told me to let go. You told me it was time to grow, to push ahead. That's why I wasn't ready to say goodbye to 2010. Because it meant saying hello to 2011, and accepting Your challenge to grow. I still wanted to kinda stay on the bridge.

Time flew too fast for me. I hardly had time to catch my breath. And now that the new year is here, I dread that the cycle continues. But I should trust You, shouldn't I? That a new year can mean a second chance, a refreshed start.

So now... I think I'm ready. I still haven't much a clue how to go about things, but I'm ready.

Thank You, Lord, for Your mercy and grace and faithfulness.
Thank You for 2010.

postcard: a bright hairspray-ed Christmas

2010-12-29T22:16:00.001-05:00

Hello, my darlings.

It’s Day 27 and twenty days since my last post. Time has passed quickly and slowly at the same time. In a way, my stay here has been timeless.

But well, let’s see what I’ve been up to. First up, I got stuck in a maze with a handful of my beloved Monash-ians. It was a day of solving puzzles, from figuring out the best way to travel to Healesville, to shuffling our feet along the color-coded maze floor, to exclaiming over failed swings in mini-golf, to contemplating dinner plans. Frankly, we didn’t do much, but I had fun nonetheless.

the color sequence maze

The next big trip was a 5-day holiday in Bright. We climbed to the top of waterfalls, stared down from Mt. Buffalo to the valley below, stuffed our faces with meat pies, walked along rivers, spotted kookaburras and wild kangaroos, and went tubing down a creek where the waters were so cold it took us a while to thaw after that. It was my kind of holiday, refreshed by the serenity of nature.

lookout on Mt. Buffalo

But the holiday had to end and we returned to a continuous flutter of Christmas festivities. Dinners, picnics, movies, presents, and even a piñata to boot! Lots of baking and eating, I can tell you that. But although it’s been a rather busy week, I still did enjoy myself. It is truly nice to not be plagued by worries.

And the closing to the Christmas season is one I shall never forget. My uncle and aunty took us to watch Hairspray the Musical last night. The experience was breathtaking! The show was colorful, light-hearted, moving, and punched with so much energy we felt like getting up to dance ourselves. Sometimes I had to remind myself that it’s not a movie but live. It was seriously so good! I wish I could relive the evening again and again.

So that’s how my December has been. I thank God from the bottom of my heart, to have blessed me with this much-needed break. I’m loving life. =)

postcard: French edges and chocolate rain

2010-12-09T23:58:00.012-05:00

Greetings from Melbourne!

Yesterday was Day 6 of the Great Expedition, and what a day it was! Went to the city late morning, and my friend Kevin took us to a little hidden place, St. Ali’s for a scrumptious brunch. We then headed to DFO for some shopping; JayJays had three piles of clothes, each piece going for AUS$2.50! We got delayed for quite a while there.

Our next stop was the Skydeck, 88 floors above ground. Lara and I were very much persuaded to try the Edge, which is a cube of glass that sticks out of the building. So really, it felt like we were hanging in the air and could fall anytime. Although the cube was tightly sealed and very secure, still it was creepy (Didn't help that they shook the cube a bit and Kevin had to nudge me when I was imagining how it would be to just fall). For our bravery we were treated with French crepes stuffed with chicken, beschamel sauce, and apple compote (not altogether) made by authentic friendly French natives. Merci beaucoup!

(picture upload failed *sob*)

We were supposed to stroll along Sandridge Bridge that has glass panels of the Travellers exhibit, but right when we were in the middle of the bridge it started pouring heavily. We ran for it, but by the time we reached shelter, and I paused to take my slippery slippers off, we were drenched! Not five minutes later, the sun came out again. Talk about Melbourne weather! It must be fate that we shopped, for we had more than enough dry clothes to change into. Ah, when there’s a wonderful excuse for shopping!

We closed the day with chocolate, as it should be. Kokoblack is the chocolate haven, I tell you. Chocolate mousse, hot chocolate, and iced chocolate with two scoops of ice-cream in it! Thank goodness for the passionfruit sorbet to refresh our tastebuds between mouthfuls.

Conquered heights, conquered rain, conquered shopping, conquered chocolate. ;-)

Bonsoir!
Charms

frog-leaping princes

2010-12-05T22:32:00.000-05:00

Last weekend, having had a whole afternoon with nothing to do, I did the sane thing -- and watched movies.

I ended up watching two movies, but although they both are Disney productions and feature princes, that's where the similarities end.

The first movie was the animation The Princess and the Frog. It was my first time watching it, and frankly, it left me wanting. Of course the girl Tiana is driven, gifted, and passionate. But the prince? Bah. I wouldn't want to fall in love with a prince like that. Naveen was a leg-swinging player who let the girl do everything and thought money fell from the sky. Sure, he learned his lesson and grew up, but it was too late into the movie. He was more remembered as a jazzy bum. Also, why is it that he changed only when he liked Tiana? Couldn't he have been a gentleman even if romance was not in the picture?

If I had to parang my way through the denseness of lalang and mosquitoes while the guy twangs on the ukulele and leaves the branch I nicely chopped for him to slap my sweat-drenched face... I don't think it's exactly the perfect time to fall in love.

After being enchanted by a toad, I watched something else.

The Prince of Persia

I know there are the debates about it not being true to the game, which I don't even play anyway, and it being slightly predictable, which turned out a few surprises anyway. But it's still a good movie. Jake was also said to be unsuited to the role, but I think he's perfect for it.

I watched it the first time entranced by the wonders of Parkour. But watching it the second time, I now love it for the principles the character Prince Dastan stands for.

I like how Dastan stood up for his friend and how he didn't take advantage of his privileges. I like how he never lost hope in the trust of his brothers, as did his brothers. I like how he persevered for justice and did whatever he could for truth, even if it meant going against the grain. In that he grew from a good man to a great man, for as King Sharaman said, "A great man would have stopped what he knew to be wrong, no matter who was ordering it."

And Dastan did just that. As a fan said, he wasn't a superhero, he was a heroic man.

Courageous, loyal, down-to-earth, holds to integrity and honor, fights for justice and truth, and a dash of charming.

Ah, now there's a prince!

cheeky

2010-12-05T06:12:00.000-05:00

For some reason, quite a number of you read "Love life" in an entirely different meaning than I intended!

*gasp*

Oh well, if it intrigues you.

;-)

now to do nothing

2010-11-27T10:27:00.001-05:00

Hello again my dear faithfuls,

Yes, so it has been more than two months since I last set foot into this place. It's been a crazy two months. Actually, it's been a crazy year, fullstop. I look back and can't remember half the things I did or said; the other half I remember clearly-kinda-maybe-notsure. That's how fast time flew. I cannot believe it's already the end of November.

Well it's now my holidays, so I'm going to do just that. And after all the craziness, I've determinedly whittled down my to-do list to just 5.

Read (Good ol'classics and the Bible)
Write (Creatively, spare me the assignments)
Pray
Tone up
Love life =)

That should be doable, shouldn't it?

And that's a brief update from me.

Just me,

Charms

10 ways to be marriable, part 2

2010-11-27T09:42:00.006-05:00

Dear readers -- well, whoever still remains,

I wrote this little more than a month ago, but never published it. Because I didn't think it was perfect. But reading it again, I think there's something worth telling. So here it is... with some additions.

Three weeks ago, my uncle died of a heart attack. My family were busy with the wake when three days' later, my grandfather passed away instead.

To say that the past few weeks have been an emotional time for us would rather be an understatement. It's a story of loss, but it is also a story of forgiveness and the triumph of love. Although it has been three weeks, what happened is still very raw to our hearts.

You may count it strange that I combine this incident with the continuation of my take on a particular Boundless article. But it just so happens that one lesson I learned relates to the next point about living life to its fullest.

2. Initiative

It is always when death occurs that the brevity of life stands out starkly. And when it does, we're shaken to remember to make the most out of it, down to the little 'non-important' stuff.

Being a dreamer, I struggle with living in the now, because I'm always waiting for that moment in the future, that season when everything is perfect and falls into place perfectly. So I look constantly ahead, with not much thought about today.

It's kind of like if I drive for two hours focused on reaching KL awake and thus alive, but forgetting that to reach safely I need to stay within the speed limit and not dig into the glove compartment for some random CD.

For the record I don't do that. But I digress.

So this is initiative - To even get to the aim, we need to start with the small steps - to put dreams into action.

It dawned on me that there can be purpose in "real time living". So often I ask about purposes in events and projects. The rest are like means to an end. But, really, the journey is equally as important.

It is not just living for a purpose, but living with a purpose.

And in treasuring the moment, there really is no need for carrying burdens and bitterness. For what can we do with it eventually? And what's the point of holding back love?

Naked we came, naked we will go. There is nothing physical we can carry forward - no riches, no clothes - not even our own physical body. What we can carry are only the things that are of the eternal.

All of us will have to die one day. Life is really but a breath of air. The question is: What are we going to make out of the time we have between birth and death?

When I breathe my last, I don't want to be plagued by unfulfilled wishes.
When I breathe my last, I want to say as William Hung said.

"I already gave my best. I have no regrets at all."

10 ways to be marriable, part 1

2010-09-21T12:51:00.003-04:00

I subscribe to a webzine called Boundless. It's for single people, and so dealing with single people, talks a lot about relationships and marriage. Today while reading the blog, I came across one of the webzine's old posts on qualities that would make one marriable.

If I haven't told you, I should say now that this relationship/marriage issue always gets to me. And I've decided I'm going to be more open about it on my blog. So yes, out of the spur of the moment, I'm going to give my take on the 10 qualities that was listed (and along the way hopefully discover if I am indeed 'marriable').The first listed was:-

1. Contentment
I realize that contentment does not mean complacency. I imagine complacency as a little kid on a parkbench who somehow got so taken up by the magnificence of the bench grains that when his father comes to take him away, he refuses. He doesn't trust that his father, who actually wanted to take him to the playground, has funner plans in mind.

Contentment also doesn't mean impatience. Impatience is like the little kid who heard that his father had a surprise for him, but instead of waiting, runs off to find the surprise on his own. He gets lost, the father gets worried, and in the end, because no one is in the mood any longer, the surprise doesn't happen or fails.

So what is contentment? Contentment is but like the little kid who is on the bench who knows his father has a surprise, but is willing to wait for his daddy to come show the way. Meanwhile, he might as well feed the birds and watch the ripples in the pond. But when his father comes, he's ever ready to follow.

I wonder if I make sense to you. But this is the only analogy I can think of now.

Am I contented? Honestly, I have a tendency to be the impatient kid. I keep wanting to run off ahead of my daddy. This year, when I feel finally ready to be involved in love again, God says, "Give 6 months to Me". I'm then like, "But I'm going to be 22... That's OLD!"

But I've really grown a lot this year. Through His pruning, I can finally say, "You know what? My desire for marriage is still as strong as ever. But I've finally learned what it means to trust God with my love life. I finally see that His timing and the person He's chosen - can only be the best."

So contentment is trust. Am I contented, then? I can sincerely say - I am.

"it's so sad"

2010-09-15T07:49:00.001-04:00

I looked at my cousin. We were standing on what used to be the sea, conveniently reclaimed by the government. He was happily drawing in the sand a moment ago.

"Why, why do you say that?"

He proclaimed solemnly.

"Coz the world is being destroyed."

Much perspective from a ten-year-old.

the screwtape letters

2010-09-14T04:42:00.004-04:00

I deleted the previous post. I was upset, so yeah, sorry I had to vent it here.

I am growing re-accustomed to the slower pace of life brought on by sickness. It still feels weird, so I have to be somewhat deliberate in my actions. I reflect on a passage in The Screwtape Letters that speaks on time being a gift – which ironically was what Jared Goon was affirming moments before I read it. Many times I take time as ‘my own’, when in fact I can no more control it than a five-year-old can. To consider time as a gift is liberating. What was once a guilt-ridden burden is now an appreciated treasure.

Speaking of The Screwtape Letters, I’m going back to my first love, hobby-wise. I’m reading not because I have to, but because I want to. And I’m not reading non-stimulating books like Twilight and Confessions of a Shopaholic (although they have their rightful place on my bookshelf).

The Screwtape Letters is a 'compilation' of letters from a demon to his nephew, a demon-tempter in training. It’s funny, yet serious; ironic, yet true. C.S. Lewis’ brilliant use of satire highlights things like character, time, humility, pride, truth, love, hypocrisy, and the human life in scope. Made me realize how flighty we can be, and how we cleverly justify our actions and pride any way possible. It pointed me to this wall of ‘goodness’ we build that can hinder any potential for us being real.

Lewis may have written the book decades ago, but his words still speak today. There’s one part where he touches on post-modernity, or what he defines as the Historical Point of View (italics added).

“The Historical Point of View, put briefly, means that when a learned man is presented with any statement in an ancient author, the one question he never asks is whether it is true. He asks who influenced the ancient writer, and how far the statement is consistent with what he said in other books… or in the general history of thought… how it affected later writers… what the general course of criticism on it has been the last ten years, and what is the ‘present state of the question’. To regard the ancient writer as a possible source of knowledge – to anticipate that what he said could possibly modify your thoughts or your behavior – this would be rejected as unutterably simple-minded.”

That spoke to me, because I have recently been disturbed by how even the very idea of questioning a thing in absolutes is absurd. Not that I’m one of those who sees you with a broom and instantly throws you into a Salem court. But I'm not going to go into that. Right now it’s about a book.

I guess you need to read Screwtape to fully understand my praise for it. It makes you think, if that’s any worth. A forewarning, though, that Lewis’ English is of the ‘older’ kind. You might have to pause once in a while in order to digest his point.

Too bad Screwtape is not mine. I need to get a copy for myself, because I definitely need to read it again. For now, I’m at the 21^st chapter of Of Human Bondage by W. Somerset Maugham. It has 122 chapters, and I don’t even know when my copy was printed.

But that’s what I like about classics.

sniff.cough.shiver

2010-09-12T08:58:00.002-04:00

It's one thing to be home and not do anything.
It's another to be home, fall ill, and be forced not to do anything.

After months of accumulating 'work points', like the rich young man, God's telling me to sell all.
Cause I've been so rich in my ability to juggle and achieve a million and one things I'm not following Him rightly.
That doesn't mean I forsook Him entirely. In fact, I got closer to Him in these times.
But I guess He wants me to get even closer.
So I'm not supposed to take up any new responsibilities or work.

It's hard. I didn't expect myself to be that attached to do.

So yeah, here I am, in no position to work on my assignments.
No position to go to any events.
No mood to even eat. :-S
I don't even feel like going to the ball.

I'm feeling guilty for resting.

If you're not hearing much from me, you know why.
Meanwhile...

Hello, bed!

Letter from a Captain

2010-09-08T00:56:00.002-04:00

My dad wrote in to The Star. The gift of prose runs in the family. hehe...

Selamat Hari Raya to my Muslim friends. Maaf Zahir Batin. =)

Remember our seamen this Hari Raya

wind's harmony

2010-09-03T10:48:00.004-04:00

Right, left, right, left,
Softly the thudding went,
When I did jog to tune and rhythm
My heart's little marching band.

Whispered the breeze to dancing leaves,
"See how she goes around,
With thoughts a-whirring, a hint of a frown;
Get her to dance to our sound."

Rustled the leaves to wind's harmony,
Nudged til I moved to the song,
Perfect accent to my heart's little beat,
While the sky did arise to applaud.

City, oh, city,
Your honks disenchant me
From the melody set to volume one.
But just 'cause you're honking
Doesn't mean I ain't list'ning.
Turn the dial, let me dance to wind's song.

giving myself room to feel

2010-08-31T12:42:00.002-04:00

God is funny. His surprises come out of nowhere, yet hit at the most ironic moments.

For one month, I was walking on a tightrope with a burden on my shoulders. It wasn't just my to-do list that never seemed to end. Inside I was in turmoil, persevering through the day while fighting off fear, worry, anxiety. Who knows what triggered it. I just was.

Yet I knew that God wanted me to focus on Him. It is during the busiest and craziest times that I need to draw closer to Christ, to press through the dark clouds and obstacles just so I can maintain my line of sight of Him.

By some miracle I did it. God gave me enough time to be with Him, as well as to finish my tasks. It's really a case of "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you".

So here I was towards the end of August, physically and spiritually spent, no will to do anything more. And then only could I truly feel the flooding of His joy, His peace - oh that which I've been longing for!

It is at this juncture of refreshed peace and joy that God's sense of humor comes in.

For two years I walked with timidity and much apprehension in one area I wondered if I could ever open myself up to again. It's that one area I constantly struggle with. Then out of the blue, when I was far from hopeful in this, God surprises me - at the most unusual time and least expected place. And for once in a long time my response is far from apprehension, but excitement!

The devotional Our Daily Bread said, "Whether we react to life with faith or fear depends on our focus." And I think that describes me now. The future is far from being any more clearer to me. But I realize that from this month of learning and growing, my focus is back on Jesus. And because my focus is realigned, I can respond in faith, knowing He'll guide me step by step and that things will come in the right time.

So pardon me if a smile is plastered on my face. I can't help laughing about God's big little surprises. =)

tick-tock

2010-08-15T11:06:00.001-04:00

Time.

Where has it gone?

It's like running on a treadmill at a high speed... and suddenly stopping the machine. Who knows how far I can fly and how hard I'll fall?

I've no choice but to keep running to catch up with the clock. At least for this week.

Wake me up when September's here.

pause

2010-08-04T11:17:00.003-04:00

People don't care how much you know

until they know how much you care.

-Dr. Lim Poh Ann-

slow me down

2010-07-31T12:05:00.001-04:00

Dropped by my favorite dance company, Chara's youtube profile. This dance is one of their latest, and I like it - not only for the dance, but also for the lyrics of the song. Seems to reflect my prayer of the moment. =)

Ferrari F430

2010-07-30T06:07:00.001-04:00

This is the closest I'll ever get to owning one. Haha!

can you guess?

2010-07-28T11:44:00.001-04:00

Wednesday is Quote Day!

Trials are not moments to lose faith

but opportunities to prove God's faithfulness.

-by me-

to celebrate a life

2010-07-25T11:44:00.002-04:00

the dawn breaks.
where are the trees? I see cars.
where are the birds? I hear roars.
where are the living? hiding inside.
where is life?

then I hear cries,
the cry of joy,
the cry of sadness.

sadness - tears be ashamed,
as colors of the rainbow
watch him fade away.
shovels work, earth crumbles.
tears, remember
his eyes. his wit. his dramatic pauses,
now but memories
but memories of a life
breathed, shared, dreamed.

oh dreams! that which we call hope
then remember I the tears of joy
he waited. she waited.
what pain forbear for hope unseen.
3.4 kilos at 9.11am
what dreams will he have?
what memories will he make?

goodbye, Benjamin McKay, sir.
hello, Benjamin Shearman Lian.

happiness. and sadness.
to everything there is a season.
a time for every purpose under heaven.

a life taken.

a life given.

to celebrate a life.

to celebrate life.

2010-07-25T11:15:00.000-04:00

whatever happened to imagination?

Pass the Salt, Please

2010-07-11T11:25:00.001-04:00

Three days after and I've only just recovered from camp. Monash Christian Fellowship Camp, that is. I loved camp. The speaker was exceptionally good. My notes from the sessions are everywhere, but thankfully, the messages made such an impact, I can recount most of it by heart. The passages about salt in the Bible have so much more meaning now.

In other aspects, well let's just say I'm looking forward to a camp one day in which I am not involved and thus be able to enjoy fully. I felt like I was on 'mommy mode' for 4 days, and it was really tiring.

Yet I am grateful for the experience. Of being in the committee but not leading, rather allowing others to lead. Of overcoming the many hiccups and emerging the other side wiser. Of leaning to work as a team. Of understanding the perspective of another. Of the importance to never lose focus on God.

the committee

Thank you to my fellow committee members who worked day and night for the camp to happen. Thank you to all who came and I trust you left for the better. Thank you to the CF committee who placed their trust in our plans.

And thank you to God. He taught me more than I can say. =)

Here's to many more exciting times in Monash.

the campers

[pictures from Christopher Sam]

Am Posting This

2010-06-28T09:13:00.000-04:00

Just because I have to. Kinda. =P

It's been so good to be home. =)

If anyone is even reading this and for some reason is interested in what I've been up to the past week, well let's just say I've been doing nothing much... which is just great. hehe.

Movies - Toy Story 3!!
Exercise - I can jog 3km nonstop now yo!
Sleeping - Need I say more?
Bible reading - There are just like so many things I'm still discovering!
FIFA World Cup - SPAIN! BRAZIL! England tried their best yesterday lah.

Hmm... Can't think of anything much else now. But well. I'm getting inspired to do something about my blog again. You keep hoping it'll actually work this time eh. ;-)

Cheerio!

Time to Play!

2010-06-18T04:11:00.003-04:00

My first semester at Monash University is officially over!

Thank God for sustaining me these four months, and for His overwhelming peace and wisdom through mental-blank and scatter-brained days, dreadful deadlines, never-ending to dos, and hunger pangs. Can't believe there's only a half year left.

So now it's time to watch all those movies, and do whatever I want however I want for four weeks. Wow I miss those days. LOL.

Happy holidays! =D

Double-Edged

2010-06-03T12:46:00.002-04:00

I know I was supposed to blog about my birthday. That will come. But for now, this is part of my self-reflection journalism assignment I thought of sharing with you. Enjoy. =)

I had an interview for my third assignment today, and it was an interesting one. It was not one of those interviews which left me depressed and angry because of the state of our nation. Contrariwise, I left an hour later inspired.

Why inspired? Because my interviewee spoke of hope. Yes, we were talking about things related to the political. Oh, the corruption, the injustice, the propaganda, the manipulation! All so true! But he mentioned that negativity starts with us. We have heard, nay, been drowned in cries and complaints against these woes, to the point that we just run away and seek solace away from it all. Either that or we go around spreading the anger and prophesying the end. Maybe now it’s time to switch gears.

Should we mope around as if it’s doomsday? Or should we rise up and BE that future? Why not be that light in the darkness? We young ones especially have got the energy, the sharp minds, and just enough recklessness to make things happen. My interviewee has shown me that there are ways to contribute to our community, insignificant as they may seem. It’s scary, but it’s possible.

Looking back at the past 13 weeks of lectures, tutorials, cameras, sweat and tears, I have learned a lot, as many of us did. There were times when I questioned my decision in picking journalism. I have always had a half-hearted interest in journalism, partly because of my quiet disposition, and partly because of the risks it requires. So halfway through this unit, I was dead-gone sure I’d never be a journalist when I ‘grow up’. But I kept getting thrown into ‘journalistic’-inclined situations again and again, against my will.

Yet in the second half, I began to see that journalism is not all about sorrow. And it’s not just about learning confidence, punctuality, etc. I see now that this is just another opportunity to make that little difference. I don’t have to be a pessimistic reporter. I can be that avenue for the public to learn of other worthy persons. I can be a voice to the voiceless.

I do not yet know what field I would be in after I graduate, but I know I would be in journalism someway or another. The specifics will come in time. It’s a long way down, but I am willing to jump off the cliff if need be.

If I can believe that there is hope for Malaysia, I can believe that there is hope for journalism.

White Daisies

2010-05-27T05:02:00.001-04:00

Happy birthday to the

busiest girl in the world!

With lotsa hugs and kisses!

Love ya!

-Aunty June

How true. I can't even blog about my birthday proper.

But tomorrow's a holiday!

Be ye patient my facebook and blogger buddies. =)

2010-05-24T23:43:00.001-04:00

I think my blog's pretty serious. No it IS. So practical. More random, I should be?

I Smile because I Can =)

2010-05-23T23:49:00.002-04:00

Wanted to post this yesterday, but blogger was merajuk-ing. But anyways...

I made it through Saturday!

I ran the 5km nonstop, my left foot getting better with each step; went straight to uni for the workshop; ate only at 12.45pm; went for class which ended 10 minutes later; and even followed Lindley to FGT's youth service.

Talk about complete recovery. Can't believe I actually made through the day! Then yesterday evening I joined some 10,000 others at Stadium Melawati to celebrate the Global Day of Prayer. Was a good experience, biggest gathering of Christians I've ever been to.

All praise to God, and thanks to so many of YOU for your prayers and encouragement. =)

S-O-S

2010-05-20T10:17:00.002-04:00

Hey,

I've got food poisoning, my left ankle is tired, I think a fever's coming on.

And this Saturday, I'm going to run for RunNat and part-coordinate for my moral studies' youth leadership workshop project.

Lord, deliver me. Please pray for me yeah. Because nothing's gonna stop me from obeying Him.

According to my earnest expectation and my hope,

that in nothing I shall be ashamed,

but that with all boldness, as always,

so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body,

whether it be by life or by death.

For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.

Philippians 1:20,21

2010-05-18T11:24:00.003-04:00

Study to show thyself approved unto God,

a workman that needeth not to be ashamed,

rightly dividing the word of truth.

2 Timothy 2:15

Those Beautiful Pastures

2010-05-17T11:14:00.003-04:00

How was your weekend? I had a pretty productive one. Not as I had planned, but better. For one thing, I neatened my room and organized my files.

It's amazing how much stuff can be accumulated just in a span of one week. I couldn't even remember where I placed certain things. I've learned the importance to clean up regularly, before the mess gets worse.

I realize that my room's condition was just how my heart's condition was. I'm sure you remember my previous post about God calling me to set aside a proper day of rest? Well, in that 24 hours I was refreshed physically, and more importantly spiritually. I hadn't realized just how much all my responsibilities were weighing down on me. I thought I was fine, because I tried to pace myself as well as I could. But I see now I was still hanging by a thread, having enough energy for the day and nothing left over. So that Saturday, God just lifted my burdens and worries and replaced them with His peace and rest. I feel like the lamb in the famous Psalm 23.

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

At first, it was a real struggle to focus on Him. So many things flooded my mind. I had to actually walk through the mess to find God. Then when He found me, immediately the mess disappeared! Much like when Mary Poppins clicked her fingers and all the scattered toys went back into their cubicles.

It's in those five hours that I realize how I haven't been maintaining my spiritual home. I had let the dirt and mess pile up, and allowed unnecessary things to distract me. It was the message of the season not just for me, but all who were at Heart to the Beat of Love.

I am refreshed, my passion's relighted. I'm picking things up again, things I've neglected for so long, but things that matter more than anything else.

Now excuse me as I go enjoy some green grass. *munch munch*

Refresh My Heart, Lord

2010-05-14T12:42:00.006-04:00

I've been feeling... tired. Not physically, really, but spiritually. Not quite tired also, but just not quite in touch. The whole week God impressed on my heart the need to just be still before Him. And He's telling me to take 24 hours off my routine, from now to tomorrow night.

"But God!" I protested. "I've got an assignment due on Monday. I need all the time I have."

"Forget about your assignment. There's time later. Right now, I just want you."

So I'll be going to this time out:

at KL/PJ LYPG.

Lord, I'm coming before You.
Knees bent, hand to heart, eyes on You.

Let's see what He has to say.

Two at Once

2010-05-13T11:25:00.003-04:00

Apparently Wednesdays are my 'lucky' days. I had another eventful day yesterday, a stressful one, but by God's grace I made it through.

It started like any other day. Wait, rewind. It started like any other okay-my-assignments-are-due-today day. I had two due at 5pm. But I wasn't worried. I finished one on Monday, so that only needed polishing and referencing. And the other was a video assignment. I'd gone through the footage and selected parts I wanted. Since Wednesdays are my free-est, I planned 3 hours on each assignment - 6 hours of relaxed refinement.

So I started on the video. The three hours went like a breeze. I was just about done and ready to convert when suddenly... the program hanged. AAAAAHHHHH!! Nothing was saved! Noooooo...

It was partly my fault, and partly isn't. While working on the editing, I had regularly rendered the video to save the formatting. With that I assumed that it meant saved in the project automatically. But it sure wasn't that way. Now I had to spend more time on the video and less on the essay. I was so depressed, I really felt like crying. But somehow I composed myself and asked God for strength, peace, and to extend the time. Thank God for Lindley and Victor for their timely text messages, I really needed the support. And also for Melody for being my buddy in the lab.

By His hand, I completed the video within an hour and finalized it the next half hour. That left me with only an hour and a half for the essay. In that disconcerted mindset, I thought I had a lot to go through. But, as I went through my essay, I noticed there wasn't really much to do. I tell you when you're pressured, your mind works in overdrive!

Amazingly, time did extend, and I could submit both assignments at 5pm. I don't know if they're high-distinction worthy, but I believe I gave my best. Distinction or not, still I really thank God for His sustenance. The Christian Fellowship meeting that evening was so refreshing. In fact, the first lyrics we sang was 'Refresh my heart, Lord'. And Hannah Yeoh (Selangor state assemblywoman) was our speaker. Although I heard the same message twice, it still moved me. I'll write about that next.

I joined the gang for dinner after, and as a bonus, I bought a kebab and was given another for free! RM4 for both yo! God's so cute la. =)

Lesson of the day is: Never assume something is saved. But if all else fails... Jesus saves!

Not being able to find any picture related to my topic, I decided to post a random one.

P.S. Thank you Mummy for praying for me! =)

Just Because He Is

2010-05-05T11:25:00.005-04:00

Wow, my previous post was pretty emo, wasn't it? I didn't realize how down I was.

But anywaaays, I'm not here for another emo post. The weekend gave me a good break and I've picked up steam again. And today has been an amazing day, simply because God reminded me that He's still lovingly watching over me.

So early this morning during moral class (yes I have to take Moral Studies), my teacher announced that the coursework group project will be taking place on the 22nd of May. We're supposed to run a half-day leadership development workshop for underprivileged youths. Now I'm fine with the project. The only thing is that the workshop is the same day as Run for the Nation! How now? I checked the workshop program and noted that it started at 9am. RunNat starts at 5am but I feared my team would be slotted as one of the last teams. Desperately, I prayed for a mini miracle while at the same time thought of acrobatic ways to juggle the two.

The day went on, and I had to go to Asian Beacon's office at Atria. It's close to impossible to find parking along the shophouses outside Atria. Of course, I could park inside Atria, which I did previously, but it cost me close to RM10 each time. So again, I prayed. As I neared Asian Beacon's office and no parking spots were open, I started to give up. But next thing I knew, a car backed out right in front of the office! But wait! Oh no, there's a car in front of me and the driver's signaled to book the spot. I was so disappointed! Yet I tried to be optimistic and started looking out for any more empty spots. Suddenly I noticed that the car in front of me stopped signaling and was driving off. I paused in disbelief for a long while. Was that lot really for me? Sense returned and I quickly parked. For a good half an hour there, I was numb with amazement that my car was actually parked directly in front of Asian Beacon! Talk about WOW!

The day progressed with me sitting on the office floor sorting out magazines. I was enjoying the alone time when I glanced at my netbook screen and noticed a new email. I opened the email and guess what? It was the RunNat committee announcing the schedule, and my team will be running from 7.00-7.40am! Double WOW! Now I can make it for both events!

If you think those two providential happenings are already amazing, I haven't told you of how, between moral and magazines, I was mournfully noticing the lack of colors in my purse. Living in KL sure is costly, I thought to myself.

But some hours later, I unexpectedly got last month's pay (I thought it would come next week).

Sometimes God gives me these little miraculous treats, I wonder what I did to deserve them. Why the 'special' treatment? Then I remember He's my Father. He's good just because He wants to, and just because He is. Reflecting on how small my faith was, all I can do is humbly say thank you. What more can I say?

Which Fish Bowl?

2010-04-29T20:41:00.006-04:00

My eight weeks at Monash have been good. Wait a minute... eight weeks? Has it really been two months? Or rather... has it only been two months? I don't know. Sometimes, it feels I've been here forever, sometimes I feel there's still so much to adjust to.

I am torn between two worlds.

I love Malacca and miss my family and loverlies, and the slower pace of life. But I also love the people in Monash, those whom I am getting to know better by the day. They've been a wonderful bunch, and many of them have encouraged me with their words, prayer, chauffeuring, food, and little notes.

Yet there come the times when I feel lost. And when I am overwhelmed, there's just one place I want to go... home. Home is still the place I breathe the freest. Home is still the place I am most me. It's back home when I realize that although it isn't intentional, I'm not completely me in Monash. It also made me wonder if who I am in Malacca is the correct version. Who is the real Charmain Sim then?

As a disclaimer, please note that I am NOT having some sort of split-personality disorder. For the most part, I'm still Charmain. It's the little things like having a 'KL' accent, and trying and failing to be witty.

But this year I've noted the importance of being the same person at all time, the importance of Integrity -- to be true even if being true means going against the crowd. After my first break home, I came back up decidedly wanting to be more open, less... timid? But it's hard. With the varied daily influences and pressure, perspectives may constantly change.

Oh to be who I am unashamedly, warts and all!

I am ever so glad, though, that while I stand on shifting sands, God remains the same.
Away from parents and sister, He's the only One who keeps me sane.
Oh what joy that God is my certainty in spite of this uncertain plain!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. (James 1:17)

To Strive Alway

2010-04-28T00:05:00.002-04:00

"We ought to be contented with what we have,

never with what we are."

Sir James Mackintosh

Found quote on someone's facebook profile.

Finish the Race, and Finish It Well

2010-04-27T10:46:00.002-04:00

Some things I learned from my uncle's passing. Your money, house, car, education, career, and even family -- none can follow you into the afterlife. You may be the most popular person in town, or the quirkiest, the richest or the poorest of poor. In the end the same question is presented to all: What legacy do you leave behind?

But ultimately... ultimately, all that matters is whether you made it to the finishing line with Christ by your side.

I have fought the good fight,

I have finished the race,

I have kept the faith.

Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give to me on that Day, and not to me only but also to all who have loved His appearing.

2 Timothy 4:7,8

He Went Home

2010-04-20T10:53:00.001-04:00

My eldest uncle from my mom's side went home to be with the Lord at 10pm today after battling with cancer. Thank You, Lord for blessing us with Uncle Albert these many years. And thank You that You took him home peacefully and at peace with everyone. We know he is in a better place now. Lord Jesus, may You be the Comforter to his wife and children. Amen.

A Strong Woman vs A Woman of Strength

2010-03-09T08:07:00.003-05:00

There's a poster in my room that inspires me to be a woman who's different. The only thing is it's been there so long I took no notice of it anymore. In my move up, however, my eyes fell upon it, and I went, 'Hey, I remember you! I think I'll take you along with me.'

So now it's posted on the wall in front of me. Thought I'd share with you. Enjoy. =)

A strong woman works out everyday

to keep her body in shape...

But a woman of strength kneels in prayer

to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything...

But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her...

But a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...

A woman of strength realizes life's mistakes

can also be God's blessing and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman walks sure-footedly...

But a woman of strength knows

God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face...

But a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith

that she is strong enough for the journey...

But a woman of strength has faith

that it is in the journey

that she will become strong...

How to Kidnap a Friend

2010-03-06T09:25:00.004-05:00

Although I said I'd continue with the shopaholic series, I've decided to intersperse with other things as well, so my blog won't be so boring. It's the end of my first week of uni life. Met quite a number of people, some interesting and some interestingly odd. I have a feeling I'd be enjoying my time here. But I shall never forget my loverlies back home who gave me the best send-off ever.

They abducted me.

Aren't they the best? No seriously. That they actually planned it out meticulously and executed it well tell me I am worthy of their time.

So thank you Lara, Delia, Shearl, Mag, Daniel, Kings, Brian. You mean the world to me and I love you! And to the rest who couldn't be part of it, don't worry, I know you love me. hehe... ;-)

Charms

P.S. I knew where they took me in the end. They blindfolded me but I used my other senses. There's lots to learn from Sherlock Holmes. =P

Too Much Stuff

2010-02-28T08:23:00.005-05:00

So how did you spend today, the 15th and last day of the Chinese New Year? I spent most of the day unpacking and organizing my room... in PJ. Yes, classes are starting tomorrow bright and early at Monash University Sunway Campus! (Cue guy with powerful lungs. It sounds like a trumpeted proclamation, dun'cha think?)

Anyways, as part of the move, I transferred portions of my wardrobe up. And I must say, the move itself put me in a bit of a shock. I had filled two luggages with clothes, but when I look into my closet, it looks as though nothing was ever taken out! Shocker! How did I manage to stuff that much fabric into 6 square feet of space?! No wonder I breathe a bit harder each time I move something in the closet.

On the bright side, my closet here in PJ is looking very nice indeed! The clothes are generously spaced apart, with room to spare! Will they stay that way though?

Not gonna show full view.

I will continue with this shopaholic theme for some time more because I think there'll be more shopping mishaps along the way. Given the fact that I'd now be living in KL aka shopping haven, no doubt there would be more enticements along the way.

Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one...

I have been slow-reading (a verb I made up, use is copyrighted) a book titled Worldliness written by a bunch of church leaders and edited by C. J. Mahaney. It deals with, well, worldliness. In spite of it's frightening holy name, Worldliness has pretty good stuff, and people today will be able to relate to its topics.

But I'm too long-winded. What I mean to say is that there's this definition of covetousness I really like.

"Simply stated, coveting is desiring stuff too much or desiring too much stuff." (Dave Harvey, p. 95)

Like whoa! I get it now!

One Dollah a Lotta Money!

2010-02-09T11:07:00.007-05:00

It's that time of the year again when we eagerly look out for the red packets so thin you'd think there's nothing in them... unless you have fingers that have been well-trained to identify those with notes!

I went for a charity dinner last Friday and they were giving these out in anticipation of Chinese New Year (or internationally known as the Lunar New Year).

I better cherish this tradition. Once I work or get married, I'd be the one doling out instead. Oh wait! I worked last year! Does it count?? =S

Anyways, we know the notes we get most are the ones. Ones seem so little, but collect enough and you feel rich! Sometimes we forget the worth of one ringgit.

Two or three years ago I compiled a list of things we can buy with just one ringgit. Can we find anything today that's priced at only RM1? It'd be harder. I should have been more diligent with my search.

But no more waiting. Here's The 1 Ringgit List.

Sweets
Small notepad
A bookmark
Packet of envelopes
A phone call
Wrapping paper
A row of hairclips
A bun
Packet of hair elastics
5 liters of water
2 bullet pencils
4 ladles
Toilet bowl scrub
A set of dish scrubbers
Stationery set
5 lighters
Comb with mirror
Fruit skin peeler
A bowl of porridge in Batang Melaka
Postage for 3 letters
Roll of ribbon
3 pocket lights
Mini nail polish
'Livestrong' imitation wristband

I think I'm going to take this up again. Can you add to the list?

Words are Not Enough

2010-02-07T11:36:00.010-05:00

My shopping weakness is books.

That sounds weird, no? Maybe you expected me to say hats, which I love, or bags, which I also love! Yet with these I have sufficient self-control and am able to put them down and walk away.

But put me in a bookstore and I go crazy. Oh a book on patchwork! Maybe I should start quilting. Agnes Grey by Anne Bronte! Tuesdays with Morrie! I haven't read those. How about an autobiography? Or a historical record of Russia? I may go there one day. No, no, maybe that little book on time management, I need that. Oooo that notebook is so preeettty!!

Then comes the part where I reluctantly turn over and look at the price. In the world of hardbound words, numbers look very insignificant. What is RM59.90 when I can kickstart a career as a Spanish translator? Or 'slightly' more than that when the future of Middle Earth is at stake?

By some miracle, I'd be pulled back to the world of frugality. But if I can leave a boutique empty-handed and feel secure, I cannot do the same when I leave MPH. There's a sense of wrongness! The world must be righted again! And so at wit's end I grab a RM5 magazine instead. But now that I think of it, all the 5 ringgits I've spent could have placed a worthier book on my shelf now. Sigh...

Maybe my fondness for books would be pardoned if it weren't for the fact that I have many titles I have not read still. I look at what I don't have and forget what I do have. I don't realize how blessed I am just to have the privilege of having books. There are still many out there who are illiterate or cannot afford books.

Last I counted, I have about 300 books. A third I got for free, another third I got dirt cheap at flea markets and bargain bins, and only the last third did I buy at normal prices. But it's not just about money.

The issue is contentment. I should learn to be satisfied and grateful with what I have. I found several verses on contentment:

For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. (1 Timothy 6:7,8)

Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses. (Luke 12:15)

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. (Hebrews 13:5)

The first verse is something. To think that I cannot bring my books into the afterlife is sobering! =\

The age of consumerism feeds on our never being satisfied. Sure, maybe it sustains the economy, but what does it do to our being in the end?

Of course, we cannot altogether stop from shopping. There will always be those necessities (Like real necessities, not the ones we claim we cannot live without). Nonetheless, let us regularly take stock and be grateful and content for what we already have. =)

So God... thank You for my 300 books!